Been trying to lose weight for as long as I can remember. Today I restart my journey at day one.

I've been consistently chubby my entire life.

Or at least, thought I was chubby or insecure enough to think I was chubby. When in reality I was just slightly overweight, only to result in me actually gaining 20+ pounds from middle school to high school. It's sad when I think about it, but I really have been dieting/attempting to lose weight since I was around 9 years old.

Anyways, last year I was diagnosed with severe scoliosis, and after a small bout of skinniness that I experienced in the second half of the 10th grade after taking a fitness class in school, I promptly gave into my former binge eating habits from my childhood that I thought I had gotten over. A traumatic diagnosis sometimes makes you depressed and stop working out, who knew!

In the last few months, I've been fluctuating between 177-182lbs and have been shifting into a horrible mindset that I'm done with. I've noticed that I've become a nasty person to my family and jealous of my friends who have recently lost weight. I've been in this cycle of obsessively weighing myself every day and purging particularly bad binges, and today is the day I stop and take a step back. I'm going to lose weight, but not like this.

This morning I took the scale from my washroom and put it away. I even made myself I good breakfast that wasn't unreasonably small and low calorie. Moreso than wanting to lose weight this time, I want to break away from the mindset of weight loss.

I've lurked on this subreddit for a long time, but have never really been confident enough to make my own individual post.

Although this seems really negative, I swear it's not all bad! This year is my prom, and in March I go for my doctor's appointment to book surgery for my scoliosis, there's a lot of exciting change coming in my life, and I want to either be at a weight that makes me confident or teach myself to enjoy the moment without being a particular weight.

Can't wait to connect with all you lovely people, seeya later losers! :)

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submitted by /u/mayqueene
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2HCXy1n