Hello all. I'm not new here, but I'm done lurking. I guess I wanted to feel less alone in this fight. I'm overweight (bmi 27.4). I know I let myself get this way, and I have a long and sordid history with weight loss and weight gain, but self-pitying thoughts still consume me. Two years ago I lost 40 pounds, but I couldn't keep it off (I've regained 20). I still wear the clothes from then, and its only a constant reminder of how I've failed myself. After the first ten pounds regained, I felt my self-control sift away like sand in my palms, and it became a lot easier to binge and delude myself.
Does anyone else deal with these self-destructive thoughts? If I had to describe them, they're like micro-excuses that we say to convince ourselves that the situation is under control. For example: if I'm full, I'll continue eating because my thoughts are "one more bite won't hurt."
I eat (very fast I might add) even when I don't particularly like the food, when I'm not even hungry, and as a reward for something unrelated. I recently decided to start working out with my boyfriend and the first thing I did on the way over to his apartment was get McDonalds because "I deserved it". I could have stopped myself 20 times over, but the nagging pitying thoughts kept me going.
I've told people in my life about my eating habits, but I'm my own biggest enabler. I am sabotaging my own happiness because I believe two servings of instant ramen will make me happy for the next 15 minutes. Tomorrow I'm going to see a psychiatrist to see what can be done. I hope this post will linger in my mind and that I don't ignore this horrible feeling. I can't keep replacing health with instant gratification. I have to learn new coping strategies and ignore pestering, enabling thoughts. Being held accountable helps. :)
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2SbN2Cn
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