I'm one week in and 5 pounds lost, but a more accurate statement is that I'm 3 years in, 0 pounds lost, much healthier, with a lot of challenges ahead. At age 3, I'm no longer young, but by no means old. This is my last chance to really get everything together and enjoy adulthood as I've imagined it.
I don't know if this post should be considered advice, but I can't be the only person in this situation, so while I need to get these thoughts out and create a benchmark for myself, I'd also hope that anyone in a similar spot can draw some sort of motivation.
I've attempted serious weight loss four times in my adult life. Once, I lost 100 lbs. Three times I lost between 30-40 lbs. My highest weight was unknown, but after six weeks of serious diet and exercise, I weighed 383 lbs, so I estimated I started around 400 lbs. I dropped all the way down to 299 lbs in about 5 months before slowly regaining about 80 lbs back. Over the next several years, I gained and lost the same 30-40 lbs.
Here's how I got derailed each time...#1, I had a physically intense manual labor job and drastically overestimated how many calories I burned at work. Lunch was always grabbed on the run, usually pizza, and I simply messed up my basic CICO math. I gained back about 40 lbs without realizing it, and the depression when it became apparent disrupted my diet and exercise. I ended up gaining back another 40.
numbers 2, 3, and 4 were all derailed by a cold which stopped my exercise and broke my rhythm. The common theme among all four was that the weight loss coincided with good moods, arguably manic states, while the weight gain was accompanied by serious depression.
For the last three years, my weight has gone up and down but my weight on Jan 27, 2019 is identical to Jan 27, 2016. However, my blood work looks much better today. My blood sugar was borderline high 3 years ago. My LDL and triglycerides were very high. My bilirubin count was high enough that my doctor suggested removing my gall bladder (a common issue in my family).
Today, my lipid panel looks great. My blood sugar is normal, nearly every key number looks good, with the exception of weight and blood pressure. I come back to this time and again to find inner-motivation. Just because the scale number hasn't moved doesn't mean I haven't improved my life. I go to the gym about 4 times a week on average. I'm stronger than at any point in my adult life. My cardiovascular fitness is decent for a normal weight person, tremendous for someone my size.
Here's why this journey will be different. In the past, I was losing weight for superficial reasons. I wanted to be more attractive and enjoy the perks of that. While I said it was about my health, that was probably not true. Today, I don't want to die. I don't want to use a scooter at the grocery store. I want to lose weight to live the kind of life I know I'm capable of living. A common theme in the above paragraphs was mental issues. In the past I relied on "will power" to get me through the tough times. Today I understand my mental state much better. Will power doesn't correct serotonin imbalances. "Emotional eating" is a fancy way to say I'm not controlling my Generalized Anxiety Disorder with any real effectiveness. I know how to put in hard work, but I need a real support system around me. This journey begins with getting my diet back on track, but it's supplemented with therapy, introspection, mindfulness. This journey has the support communities on reddit baked in for support. I know how to eat. I know how to work out. I'm ready to live again.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2MATX31
No comments:
Post a Comment