Hi loseit... I'm ashamed to make another post so soon but I have no one to talk to and am getting addicted to the incredible kindness and support in this community. Could you again spare a minute for some encouraging words for me today? (my stats are 36F, sw 120kg cw 66kg walk around 15k steps a workday, exercise 5 times a week but hardly any cardio) I went on the scale again and it shows no difference from the week before. No big deal I know, there was no more than 1 lbs loss to be expected with my TDEE of under 1700 cals, and the way I weigh myself, sporadically and in the evenings, is super unreliable anyway. Still the encouragement is sorely missed.
I honestly don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm still struggling massively with feeling like a stranger in my new body. It feels like there's not a single person around me supporting what I'm doing. My husband is plain not attracted to me right now. Men used to pay attention to me at one point, around 80kgs, but it's completely gone again, honestly my face with sunken cheeks and angular jaw just isn't as attractive. My friends and coworkers are one by one becoming downright hostile to me losing weight. Becoming moderately overweight was ok with everyone, but becoming slim? Slimmer than them, possibly?? Accusations of unhealthiness and disordered eating are being thrown around daily and I'm just so tired of reacting to the worried faces and reproachful comments again and again. My mom is starting to get jealous because HER weight loss was a huge point of pride for her for many years, and god forbid someone could steal her spotlight. There is no end to the jokes in my family about me exercising and wanting to become stronger. "Arnold Schwarzenegger hahahaha". I keep reading online that it's impossible to build muscle on a deficit and feel like even more of a joke for going to the gym. All my joints are hurting and I've never felt so weak and powerless.
All the above shouldn't matter to me, and it makes me furious at myself that it does. I'm not a very confident person. What others think about me matters to me, always. I can't pretend it doesn't. I haven't felt so lonely in a long time. There are so many things going through my mind every day that I wish I could share. So thank you so so much for being there and listening!!
The one reason I keep doing my weight loss thing right now is the feeling of control it gives me. Fuck everyone who wants me to give that up.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2TpdENF
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