F, 5’3. SW: 215; CW: 187.
I have been so committed to weight loss since I started in January, 3 months after the birth of my second child. I was just tired of feeling exhausted, tired of not being able to wear the clothes I wanted to wear, tired of feeling unattractive and sloppy. I had been obese for over a decade and had enough.
Anyway, I did C25k and completed it at the beginning of March, since then running 5K 2-3 times a week. I almost never eat under 1500 calories, log everything scrupulously into MFP and intermittent fast 16:8 every. Single. Day. And my hard work paid off: I’ve lost nearly 30 lbs and gone down a dress size.
So I totally didn’t see it coming when midway through the day on Friday I just decided fuck this, I just really want a glass of wine. Which turned into four glasses, a small bag of crisps, and a bowl of pasta. Okay, I tell myself - no problem, I’ll just start over tomorrow. Except I wake up on Saturday still on a mission to eat everything in sight. It was honestly like a strange, hypnotic self-destructive mode and I ended up consuming close to 2000 calories yesterday. Today is a write off because it’s uk Mother’s Day and we’ve had lunch reservations for ages, and I AM having a roastso basically this entire weekend is shot. I haven’t run since last Tuesday, either.
I know it’s fine, I can just start over. But I AM mad at myself. And I can’t work out why I did this. It was like being possessed! I really, really want to keep losing weight and getting fitter. But is this devil always going to be on my shoulder telling me to just give it up and go on eating/drinking benders? am I doomed to be a self-destructive glutton forever? How do you all cope with these urges that seemingly come out of nowhere?
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