Okay, so some of you might notice this is my first post, but fear not. I used to be an avid Redditor until I realized I spent too much time on it and deleted it. New account, because I think the support I’ve gotten over the years has been really helpful. Now, onto the meat and bones.
I’m around 20 lbs down, was at 25 not too long ago and feeling simultaneously great and very awful at the same time. I’ve been overweight my whole life (or nearly my whole life- officially diagnosed at 8 years old) and upon moving out for college I gained 40lbs in just 6 months. It was super worrying for me, and highlighted the severity of the issues I had with food. So I decided I would not give up this time. I would become a healthy weight and finally be able to experience the things I’ve missed out on because of my weight.
Weight loss was easier than I expected, at least physically. I can keep a healthy calorie deficit and workout routine no problem for weeks and weeks. Balancing vitamins, proteins, fats, water intake? I’ve got it. But then there comes the crash. You see, when I hit a specific milestone it’s like my brain shuts down. All the steady progress and goals are shut down and I struggle all of a sudden. In a lot of ways I think I’m scared, but I don’t know how to explain it. Maybe the worry about losing leads me to comfort eat? You might ask why I’m so worried about doing something that makes me happier and makes me feel better- I wonder too.
I feel like I’ve missed out on so much. I missed out on years of feeling pretty growing up, because I always felt like the fat friend. I missed out on feeling confident, because I felt like a failure. I missed out on years of my hobbies, especially cosplay which I enjoy but feel too fat to do well. I missed out on playing the sports I actually enjoyed because I couldn’t keep up. I’m freaking out about turning 20, because I feel like I’ve missed out on so many things I wanted to do while I was a kid/teen. Part of me feels like it’s already too late. Another part of me fears the unknown. My girlfriend says being lighter feels like flying compared to being heavy. She used to be an athlete and says that she regrets her (smaller than mine but significant) weight gain because every movement sucks more. A huge part of me wants to experience that lightness, but I find myself discouraged during my workouts. I think to myself “will this actually feel better someday?”. Finally, I worry about how I will look. Sounds a little vain, but I’ve never seen myself slim. What if I hate how I look? Will I feel good about it? Maybe, just maybe I’ll look worse?
But most of all Reddit, I fear I will continue to hinder my own progress. I fear I will continue to self sabotage because I’m caught up in the what-ifs. Seeking therapy hasn’t helped as much as I wish and while I have been trying to work on self-love and anxiety management, I just want the strength to set those fears aside and just do it.
I made this post to let this weight off my chest so that maybe, hopefully, it will help me move on. I’ve bottled up these feelings for so long that it’s nice to let them go.
If you have any tips you can share about how you’ve done that or can tell me if it gets better, I’d really like to hear it
Thank you for listening to me r/LoseIt
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