I've tried almost everything under the sun to begin losing the weight but the core problem remains and tips the scales back up. No matter what diet I try, what combination of diet and exercise (and believe me, I have tried ALL of them), calorie restriction, scheduled cheat day, pills, meal replacement shakes, doctor's visits, and even cutting up my debit card, I end up eating to distract myself and make myself feel better for a few moments throughout the day. I guess it's added up to 50 pounds and counting now.
I didn't notice I had gained weight and thought I was more or less eating the same as always. Similarly, in 2014 I was 175 pounds and dropped to 140 without noticing. I stayed at 140 until 2018, then ballooned up to almost 200 again without noticing. Since I have no idea what I did to lose weight the first time, I don't even know where to begin.
I started looking back on the past year and figured I must have begun eating more, and when I began trying to lose I could never keep the weight off because food is the only thing that keeps me slightly sane during the day. A lot of times food is the only thing I live for, and the only happiness I can grab at. I can control almost nothing in my life other than what I eat, so I hyper control that. No weight loss method sticks because without comfort food, I feel suicidal. Just a few minutes of eating and I don't feel like I want to die. I'm miserable most of the day and eating yummy junk food is all I have.
It sounds pathetic, but I think that's why I am where I am. I don't know how to successfully lose this weight, and now I feel even worse as the physical effects are becoming more and more noticeable. I don't want to be fat. Help?
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