To start, I am taking full blame for everything I’m saying. I know it’s solely on me, I just need to vent and maybe reading it back will make me realize how stupid I’m being. I’ve lost weight. A lot. About 50 pounds, and it was the best experience of my life. I loved myself and how I looked, and I loved the process. I got into a new relationship and continued losing weight. Mostly because it was so new and I wanted to keep him interested so I wasn’t eating much at all, and I was spending all my time with him. I lost another 15 pounds at this time. Still, I adored my body and how my clothes were fitting me. I was 140 pounds and in a size 5. Something I never thought possible. I wore a bikini for the first time comfortably! Huge milestone! Fast forward to the end of summer, and I’m getting more comfortable with my boyfriend and we go out to eat and for drinks a lot. I slow down on the calorie counting, skip the gym most days. I can feel my clothes tightening. No big deal it’s just a few pounds I thought...
Skip to today, I’m miserable. Utterly disgusted with myself and how I look. I avoid mirrors at all times. It’s bad. My boyfriend (same one) and I bought a house, and I’m in a totally new town. No gyms around. Nothing. I eat whatever I want and I know what I’m doing. I then beat myself up about it for days. I wake up every day with the intention of counting everything I put in my body and I start off well, but half way through the day I give up. I thought the hating myself would be enough to give me motivation back but it’s not. I’m just eating my feelings now. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’ve tried intermittent fasting, but fail on that. I’ve tried just not eating. That doesn’t last. I’ve tried diet pills, they don’t do anything. I know the correct way to do it, and I know for a fact it works for me, I just can’t. I honestly don’t know what my issue is. I’m depressed and I don’t even let my boyfriend touch me anymore. He assures me I look perfect, but I know he’s lying. He has to have noticed how much weight I’ve gained. I’m back up to 165 and just typing that makes me sick. I need to get myself together and do something about this or I know it will get out of control.
For reference, I started my weight loss journey at 189 pounds, got to my lowest of 140, and now I’m back up to 165.
I don’t know why I typed this out. I just needed to get it out to people that may know what I’m going through. Sorry for formatting and how all over the place I am. Thanks for reading and any input would be appreciated.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/34Z5Sj3
No comments:
Post a Comment