I know in this post, I may sound like I'm whining or complaining too much, but I just wanted to get this all out off my chest. During the past fall stressful semester of college, I regained some weight due to my own doing, I know I take full responsibility. Now during the holidays, I hate doing things because of my weight. I recently joined a gym and am currently on egg fast diet. I'm on the third day and I'm already feeling nauseous from eating too many eggs. Despite doing the things for weight loss, I'm still filled with self hate and resentment against myself for gaining the weight in the first place. If only I had an eating disorder like other girls, none of this would 've happened but instead, I decided to be a fat gluttonous piece of shit. I get daily comments and get made fun of for not being "athletic" enough by my dad. Like for instance, if we are going on a walk, I'll get comments like "you're getting tired already" without me even saying anything. My father recently lost weight so he has gotten even more cockier, at least this is what I feel. So I may get comments by him everyday, I hate doing things with him now honestly. I'm on forced road trips when I'm depressed and just told to "get over it". I'm never understood by my parents. Of course now weight loss takes time, it's not going to happen overnight. They always listened to my younger brother, but I can't ever be alpha and tell them a simple "no". Even if I'm sick, I can't tell them I can't go on a road trip or else, I would be called "boring" or I don't want to do anything with my life then, there is always a huge shouting match. Anyways, I really hate myself after gaining weight. I really hope after all of this humiliation, I develop a terrible eating disorder which kills me soon. I was much appreciated and loved by people when I was thinner anyways. I typed this post just to express anger against myself. Any of you are going to give me motivation quote or call me a loser, it's not going to work on me as I'm currently not in a good mental place, I just want to die already. It's like, I feel like I'm going to struggle with this for the rest of my life
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2MMpiky
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