I just found this thread today and need some validation that this is all worth it.
Warning: Long
I started my weight loss journey in September. My whole life I've blamed my constant weight gain on stress, my depression, my anxiety, and my high chances of having PCOS. I never really took responsibility that it was me with the problem because I never "at a lot". Instead I would just sink into my depressive moods, snack on hagendaz ice cream bars and other snacks, not eat a real meal all day, then eat enough for 3 at dinner when my fiance would force me to eat. I kept looking at myself getting flabbier in the mirror, getting bigger, clothes not fitting, and go " at least I'm not as bad as some people." Even hitting 300lbs didn't motivate me.
Then I went to my step mother in law's birthday party at her apartment. We were having a decent time when I had to go to the bathroom. I closed the door and noticed they had a scale. So morbid curiosity hit, and I stepped on it. I instantly started to silently cry as the scale stopped at 360. We left, and I started sobbing and having a panic attack in the car. My fiance comforted me, but didn't really help me figure out what to do. So next time we went grocery shopping, I called my mom who is a huge health food nut for advice. She gave me generic advice, not to eat any foods with too much sugar, eat less carbs, etc. It helped a little bit on choosing what to buy, but I knew I had to figure out the rest on my own. So I made an appointment with my gynecologist to try and get my PCOS under control while also cutting back my sugar like my mom suggested. My OBGYN helped me to schedule with an endocrinologist. So I went to her and having to weigh myself at her office, just cutting back the sugar for a month, I lost 5 lbs! So I did the tests, she had me make an appointment with a dietitian, made me download a calorie counter app, and we would discuss the results at my next visit.
The dietitian was very helpful and laid out much stricter guidelines that helped me focus better on my goals. Keep my intake under 1800 cals, more vegetables obviously, no carbs with less than 2g of fiber, leaner meats like turkey and chicken, and while yes I can cheat once in a great while, no food with more than 5g of sugar per serving. I died inside. It meant no more of my Saturday frappes (87g of sugar) to get me through my long open to close shift. She said if I really was as caffeine addicted as I claimed, she would rather me have diet pepsi than that. It was a very beneficial meeting overall.
So I went back to the endocrinologist to find out I am the only female in my family to NOT have PCOS. My easiest thing to shove responsibility onto had been ripped away from me. I had to face that I was going to become diabetic if I didn't start losing weight and had to take the blame that my body was my own fault. It was a hard pill to swallow.
So now it's almost 2020. I've lost 37lbs so far and am now 323. My endocrinologist wants me to be under 300 by our next visit in February. I've lost most of my weight by just changing my dietary habits to fit the dietitian's guidelines. I know I also need to start exercising, but I feel like I don't have the time as bad as that excuse sounds. I also reaaaally miss sugar and sweets. My mother in law got me this amazing blender for Christmas and I want to make milkshakes. Do you know how hard it is to find sugar free ice cream? I feel like I can't even treat myself without feeling like I'm backsliding. My fiance says I'm being too hard on myself, but I have to be, or I'll go back to my bad habits. I also feel like I'm not losing weight fast enough. I look in the mirror and still see the same fatass girl. People say they see the difference, but I don't. I guess I just need some validation that I'm doing something right and am not a complete failure at this.
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