Hi guys, hopefully this is an appropriate post (brand new account because I don’t feel comfortable talking about this sort of thing on my main) but I am looking for some support and accountability in my fitness/weight loss journey.
A bit about me, I am a psychology student who is currently taking a year out of studying to work. I am not and have never been overweight (5”3 and around 135) but have struggled with self hatred, anxiety and depression (not so much anymore but certainly in the past) and eating issues my whole teenage life.
I currently have a wonderful partner who is in great shape, and over lockdown he helped me to start a fitness journey with an aim to lose some fat and gain muscle. Initially I was making a lot of progress and was genuinely really happy with how I was looking and feeling - I worked out hard every day and even started to count calories (with some slip ups involving being overly restrictive but eventually finding a good deficit which worked for me).
However this past few weeks I have been living at home again and as lockdown restrictions have been eased, I have very little motivation to workout and keep up my previous routine as I prefer to go and see friends or have been tired from working.
I am starting to see myself slip into a really unpleasant cycle where I eat within my calorie goal and exercise for a few days, then have a day where I considerably overeat to the point of it being almost compulsive, far beyond me actually being hungry and ending up feeling so full it hurts/I feel sick. I can see how unhealthy this is even while it is happening and I always feel devastated and guilty after and vow to do better next time, but I feel powerless to break this cycle. I’m scared that I am on the path to binge eating disorder/binging and purging as I have felt a really strong urge to make myself sick after the last few bouts of overeating (especially worrying as I have a history of disordered eating).
I have definitely put back on a few pounds and lost some of the definition in my stomach and legs (although I don’t weigh myself as I find it very triggering) but I am mainly unhappy about the mental change and the decline in my self image. I really want to get back to where I was a few months ago, when my relationship with food, exercise and my body was so much better.
I know exactly what to do to lose weight and tone up as I have done it before, I love cooking and can make plenty of healthy low calorie meals and I even joined a new gym which I intend to start going to on Monday (they opened today but I was concerned with how busy it would be) but somehow I keep slipping up. I’m just desperate for any support, advice or accountability from this sub because I want to do better and stop this unhealthy cycle before it gets any worse.
Thanks for reading all this if you got this far, sorry if it’s a horrible ramble.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/30PypHl
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