This is mostly going to be a revelation post, and I have been doing a lot of thinking about my habits lately. About a year ago, i did end up losing about 40lbs, went from 335 down to about 295, which was a huge accomplishment for me. I have since gained all the weight back. i could go and blame quarantine, or a whole host of other things, but honestly, its up to me to keep myself accountable, so im not going to make excuses for it. It happened, and now I dont know how to fix it. I honestly dont remember making a huge change in my eating habits in this time, i was exercising A LOT though, which I have fallen off of hard due to gyms being closed, etc. I’ll put a TL;DR at the bottom, for what that’s worth, bc this is gonna kinda be a long post.
So I have a lot of weirdness when it comes to how I view food, both consciously and subconsciously.
When I get a plate of food, i usually go big or go home. This is an issue I have been working on - i bought and use smaller plates to cut down on the portions, and i am gradually getting smaller and smaller plates/bowls. My theory on this stems from my mother filling my plate as a child/teenager and then guilting me into eating it all by saying that i “might want to eat it now” because we were never sure what our next meal would be. So, of course, this lead to an extremely unhealthy relationship with food into my adulthood. My husband and I are not necessarily struggling with our finances like my parents were when I was growing up, but I still have that subconscious need to fill my plate up and eat it all, that way i would be super full and wouldn’t need to eat again for a good while. The issue woth this is , now that I have enough money to actually put food on the table, i am doing this for every meal. Again, this is something I have been working on.
Another thing that I have noticed is that I get a lot of anxiety about finishing my plate. I have a compulsion in my brain telling me that if i dont finish the food, that something will happen. whether that something be wasting food, or me starving to death, or whatever. Once I start, i feel like i cant stop. i feel out of control when I eat, and it sucks because I dont WANT to feel that way. I want to be able to stop once i am satisfied, but I have been clearing my plate and being overstuffed for so long, I don’t know what satisfied feels like. If i eat and am not super full, I go back for more. This has been the hardest thing about my weight loss journey. Feeling hungry makes me SO anxious and it has been a fight and a half trying to curb my eating habits because of it.
Side note, I hope this doesn’t come off as I am making excuses for my bad habits,or like im not trying to change. Because I am not, and im trying my hardest to recognize the bad habits so I can change them. But its SO HARD. It has been a good 6 years now since ive lived with my mother, and she passed away around 3 years ago, but I still have these issues. My mother has given me a lot of strife when it comes to my body image, weight, and overall mental health and wellbeing, but I think that’s a story for another time. I blame myself more than her, though, because i had so many chances to fix myself and I always end up “relapsing” i guess because of one excuse or another.
I guess in conclusion, i am mainly posting this to just kind of get my thoughts about this stuff out to someone other than my husband. if youve made it this far, thanks for reading. if anyone has any insight or advice for me, im all ears. I think I need all the support and advice and help i can get, because I am struggling.
TL;DR: I have a bad relationship with food, and feel weirdness and anxiety surrounding large portions sizes, finishing my plates, feeling too full. I don’t know what feeling satisfied feels like when eating due to a history of overeating. Advice welcomed.
[link] [comments]
from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2EJtfpi
No comments:
Post a Comment