Never in my life did I think that I would leave the 180s. Leave the "overweight" zone my doctor always told me about. Ive been heavy since middle school, always bigger than the other girls (on top of being a loser too). High schools already sucky-ness was AMPLIFIED by being heavy. Got picked on in middle school, mostly ignored in high school, and spent every morning pinching my thighs on the bus, sucking in my gut, spending who knows how long plastering my face with makeup, and overall just completely hating myself. The only thing I had going for me was being the "funny, high energy big girl". But what really kicked my ass to "oh no, I need to lose weight", was when my NP mom pointed out that I was getting signs of diabetes, black lines in my neck roll, armpits, behind my kneecaps, I was devastated. I tried everything, calorie counting, exercise, vegan, vegetarian, mediterranean, juice cleanse, you name it and Ive done it. I managed to lose 5-10 pounds with a weird combo of everything, but then I got depressed and gained most of it back. Then my parents told me about keto. A diet I could eat as much as I wanted, meat, dairy, cheese, veggies, small amounts of fruit, as long as I maintained 20g of carbs. It definitely took a while to figure out, because wow are there so many carbs out there, but I freaking did it and I loved it. I loved everything I was eating, I changed it around to fit my needs, and the weight Very Slowly fell off. I decided instead of trying to lose as much as possible in a short amount of time, I gave myself a realistic goal. 2020, in one year, I wanted to hit 150. And thats IT. I didnt throw on 100 different goals for 2020, I just wanted one goal to focus all my attention on, and I freaking destroyed it. I move without feeling out of breath, I can sit with my legs crossed, I eat smaller potions because Im not as hungry anymore, I have a healthy relationship with food, more energy to occasionally exercise, everything in my life has looked up, and I am never going back. I look in the mirror and actually think Im pretty. Ive never experienced "self love" or confidence until now, but it has changed everything. I can focus on doing things I love now, instead of constantly bullying myself. Im proud of who Ive become, I completely changed my wardrobe, I dress the way Ive always DREAMED of dressing, Im not scared of going to the beach and feeling gross, people show genuine attraction to me (I dont even think that it was because of weight loss, I think its from the confidence that came from it). I lost weight for myself, and I am never turning back. It took me over 6-7 years to find something that worked for me, never ever give up, if something feels bad or doesnt work, change it, but never stop trying.
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