I have been overweight since high school (F, 5'1, 68kg at my heaviest). Not overly obese but still lugging lots of extra pounds of weight in body fat. I have an identical twin sister and to many people the only way they could tell us apart was to consider me the 'healthy' one and my sister the thin one. I have been fat-shamed by family members who thought they were being helpful, and have been the butt of relatives' jokes where my weight was the punchline. It wasn't pleasant and shredded my confidence a lot, to be compared to my twin in that way. It made me ashamed of being the way I was.
Then in 2018 I decided to really start putting more effort on losing weight, instead of just feeling sorry for myself. My main goal was to develop a healthier lifestyle. I think before that I was in denial. I blamed my hormones, my genes, my metabolism on me being fat. I don't know how but I finally realized the culprit were my habits. So slowly I started changing them.
The results took a while. I didn't have a magical transformation, a mind blowing before and after. There were months where I would gain back the weight I had lost. Days where I would cry about my weight, believing I would never be 'thin'. Then there were times where I would workout every day, eat better and be super motivated. It took a very long time to get to a point where I finally don't see myself as 'fat'.
Currently, I'm 23yr and 59 kg. I lost a total of 9 kg (19-20 lbs) in over two years. I think it's the slowest weight loss 'transformation' ever, but I'm still happy with my progress. My bmi is finally normal, I feel strong, I have better eating habits, and I don't look fat anymore.
Most importantly, I'm finally the same weight as my identical 'thin' sister. I love my sister, but its nice that I dont have to be compared with her over my weight anymore.
Or so I thought.
A month back, my family and I went to a relative's house. One of my relative complimented my sister on looking 'smart' and asked if she had lost weight. I don't know why but that moment completely shattered me. I realized I am still the fat one to people around me. Thankfully, my relative didn't bring up my weight in comparison and tell me I needed to be thin like my sister, like they have done in the past.
I know I shouldn't have let that relative's words affect me so much. I know my weight loss is for me, not for my sister, not for the people around me, not for my relatives. But the words still got to me. I also lost weight, why couldn't they see it? I wanted them to comment on it maybe. Has nothing changed?
It's been a month since that incident, but I'm slowly realizing that no, things have changed. Compared to 2018 me, 2020 me is working out. Trying to set up small goals for myself. My diet isn't perfect, but I'm eating good. My habits and lifestyle have changed a lot for the better. Mostly, my thoughts about never losing weight has changed, simply because I did lost weight. I lost weight and I can lose more to get to my goal.
I know I shouldn't let other people get to me, but it's hard to change my reactions when I've been used to it for so long. Maybe my life hasn't changed. Maybe the people around me haven't changed in the way they percieve me.
But my body has changed. I have changed. And I think that's all that counts. I think.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/362Fs3F
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