So first of all pictures of before and after:
https://imgur.com/gallery/FvWaMsm
I have been meaning to post this for quite awhile, and it is something I think of every single day. It is my weight loss journey from 2014 until today.
The before pictures were taken when I weighed about 200lbs. I weighed 163 when I became pregnant with my first daughter, and I gained 35lbs with her. Afterwards, whether from depression or a poor relationship with food my entire life, I stayed that weight for the next 3.5 years. I have always been one for exercise, and at some intervals was able to lose 5-10lbs simply by picking bike riding back up, but the weight always came back. I told myself that I was strong and that even though I was overweight, I was healthier than a lot of people. At my job we are in a residential so we have access to food in well-stocked kitchens. I would eat at home, breakfast and lunch, snacks at work, a big dinner at work, and then go home after my 8 hour shift and eat two packages of Ramen as a "snack" before bed. I understood that this was a lot of food, but I did not at all understand calories or macros. At the end of 2014 two things happened that made me rethink everything I knew. First was a miscarriage for a pregnancy that I was beyond excited for. With this loss, my research began to tell me more and more that a contributing factor would be my weight, and that a healthier body would mean a healthier pregnancy. Obviously this is not the only factor, and millions of people go onto have wonderful pregnancies regardless. But to me I truly felt as if this was a solid reason why my pregnancy had failed so early. The other slap in the face, as it were, was when I saw the pictures from my sister's wedding, taken in November of 2014. I could not believe just how big I looked. At 5'3" I may have felt and even been told that I carried my weight well, but seeing all 200lbs in a bridesmaid's dress really put it into perspective for me.
So I stumbled upon this subreddit. The first thing I learned was that I should invest in calorie counting. I never believed I would have the patience for it, but it turns out I did. I became a fanatic, counting every calorie that went into my mouth. I never used a food scale though, but a lot of what I ate was prepackaged anyways.
The first week I did not change my diet at all. I simply counted all the calories that I was eating on a regular basis. I was astounded to find my calorie intake so high. Logically this made sense, of course, but I wanted to be in denial. The second week I started slow. I changed little things every day. I cut 100 calories from my diet per day, just a small snack. I also employed other tactics, which I cannot stress enough. I stood while eating and only concentrated on my food, no screens allowed, no mindless chewing. I was much more aware of when my body was becoming satisfied this way. It was helpful to be aware of how I was feeling. And despite only consciously cutting 100 calories per day, I automatically was intaking less as I listened to my stomach telling me that it was full, and that I did not need to finish my plate every time. Soon I learned about TDEE and average calories lost while exercising, as well as BMR and BMI. I never officially was measured, but my stated BMI was around 35.4. A ridiculously high number in my mind. I learned about what amount of calories to cut to lose x amount of pounds a week. Most of all, I learned portion control. To me, portion control is still my number one contributing factor. I will exercise 5 to 6 days a week without issue, but if I am not careful, I will plow through ice cream or cookies and not even think twice. It is an ingrained habit from childhood, where I was told to finish whatever was on my plate. When working in residence I realized that the teenagers I worked with would scrape off the excess food they were no longer hungry for instead of finishing it, which was essentially mind-blowing. People can do that? I do not like to waste food by any means, but knowing that I did not have to finish the whole plate was an amazing stepping stone. And naturally, I began to dish myself smaller portions. Of course, the first weight to come off is always water weight, as sodium is slowly cut out of the diet. I was excited because in the first few weeks I was down nearly 10lbs. But I couldn't lose motivation. I had read on this sub from several people to take progression photos. So I did. Once a week I would stand naked in front of my mirror and take a picture. This was the perfect way to see that I was losing weight, despite the scale. Looking at yourself day to day is not the best representation, and motivation to eat healthier after a lifetime of binging is not always consistent.
The months passed and I made my way down to 147lbs, through walking an hour a day, 6 days a week, and eating between 1300-1700 calories a day. I listened to my body. I learned what made me feel good, feel fuller for longer, and what made me weak or jittery. I knew that I could eat 5 Swiss rolls a day and lose weight, but I also knew I would feel like trash. I started my meals with protein and healthy fats, with complex carbs and fiber. I ate a lot of the same meals everyday, a lot of shrimp and tofu, but it was easy and something I didn't need to worry about.
In July of 2015 I became pregnant again. I shot back up 50lbs in a matter of 8 months, and being pregnant at a very stressful job hindered my ability to think logically about what I should and should not be eating. The pregnancy cravings were real. It turned out, however, that I also had pre-eclampsia. After my daughter was born via emergency c-section weighing two pounds less than she should, I ended up dropping roughly 20lbs seemingly overnight. I weighed 180lbs when I went home from the hospital.
At this time, my sister's husband died in a very traumatic way. This is an entire story upon itself. But needless to say, my weight was not the first thing on my mind. Between my four-year-old, my newborn, and my grieving sister, I ate whatever I could when I could. For some reason I really like eating cookies that are put in those small plastic buckets at the store.
My weight climbed back up, as did my apathy. After about five months, however, I knew that I couldn't do it again. I couldn't go on living so uncomfortably just because of impulse issues.
Once again I began counting all my calories. I became mindful again of how my body and mind felt. I cared again about adequate nutrition. It took a lot of balance in life with everything going on, but it was also a reprieve in the chaos. It was something I could control. And I did. By July of 2017 I was back to 150lbs.
I have now maintained my weight, give or take 5lbs, for the past three years. I continued counting calories for another year but I slowly stopped. If I started gaining too much weight back, I would hop right back onto MyFitnessPal.
I have now ingrained so many new habits over the last several years that it is automatic to me. I know to start my meals with protein. I know to not eat while distracted. I know it is not worth stuffing myself and feeling ill. I won't lie, I still have times where I binge eat. But I never throw up my hands and say oh that's it, guess I'll gain 50lbs back because I messed up. I move on with my day and make my next meal healthier. Nothing is a "cheat" meal because I am not cheating. I have learned, and still continue to learn, that my body has wants and needs and I can accurately assess those to feel the best that I can. I'll eat pizza if I want to, I'll eat ice cream. But I also know that I can't sustain myself on those, and that my habits will be healthy. The staples in my diet are continually changing, but I always know how to start my day off right so that I can enjoy the moments while feeling healthy.
I know that 50lbs is not the biggest number for weight loss, but for me I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to maintain it. Yet here I am, healthy and strong. I walk everyday, I eat healthy, and I am always aware that I have accomplished so much, and that I can always continue pushing for the best.
I owe everything to this subreddit. This place changed my life in so many ways and I am so thankful that it has been here throughout this entire journey.
If you made it this far I thank you for reading. :)
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