Hi there everyone. I am just posting this because I want to reconnect with loseit community and refresh my loser mindset, not neccessarily for an advice (though I 'd appreciate it). I feel like I am falling off the wagon, cannot get back into "the zone" and need a reset button but cannot decide what exactly to do so I can reset. Felt like this post might help me put my thoughts into words and refocus.
- Background: F24 5'2 SW185 CW165 GW130. I joined this community in May and while I had my ups and downs all the time, I was going more or less steadily towards my goal. My cravings would increase during pms and then go away, I would reset my shark week appetite with some low carb days or IF and then my appetite wouldn't bother me for the rest of the month. I would give myself 2x cheat days per month, the rest of the time having 1200-1340 cals. I am a good student of loseit masters so I pre-track food, include treats sometimes, use food scale, not pursue rapid loss, no exercise or "detox" purges. Overall I try my best.
- Gym: During lockdown from May to July I did some running + chloe ting workouts, in August I started lifting and it brought some weight fluctuations but also great physique changes. I don't run and do cardio very often anymore, my body lets me know when I overtrain and my knees aren't handling the shock of cardio and weights combined well, so I am choosing weights. I can't imagine my life without gym and consistently do weights 5x week, sometimes do chloe ting in the evenings. This is all because I enjoy it.
- Now: The uni started last month, bringing new things to juggle along with nutrition and gym, such as uni workload, finding a grad placement for next year, socialising enough, making it through pandemics etc. There is suddenly a lot on my plate, for which I don't complain, life is pretty interesting with that.
- So what's the problem: Naturally now my attention is divided between more things and I am feeling like I cannot get into a steady state with my weight loss. How I feel right now is - I want to eat food, not just junk but normal good whole food, some proper meat and vegetables and carbs, also maybe some desserts. Due to lack of time to mealprep, I guess this month I've moved into more protein shakes and meal replacement shakes for breakfast and maybe even lunch, for dinner I had chicken breast and sometimes tuna salad with vegs, sometimes not. (Now that I am typing it here I am seeing the issue lol). I don't mealprep because I live at student halls and my fridge is very tiny. Anyways it feels like I have an increased appetite and cravings, less self control and there is something more but I cannot put my finger on it. This week I decided to go into maintenance cals (1740) and I do actually feel fuller but I'm also afraid I'm gaining it back... Of course my weight stalled because my diet is out of whack and this is not very motivating either, so I am not weighing myself until I get this sorted.
- Mentally: Am I being impatient with myself? I am also scared to gain back even slightly and lose all the action I am having with males around me, I know it sounds weird. I am terrified and ashamed that someone will notice me getting fat and they find out I've got no self control. Even though I stayed consistent for 5 months now! Never had done it this far before and lost 20lbs, never lifted or ran before, never weighed my food. I have no intentions to quit, quitting is off the limits, I want to find a way to fix this and I am sure I will. I am just having a struggle period and I believe I'll adapt to this more busy life.
Ughhh I just don't know what is happening to my diet and all I want right now is that "zone" when your appetite is used to what you feed it, when you don't even crave anything off limits and having that smooth sail when 80% of the work gets done (the other 20% being shark week or just bad days). Every day I am struggling to stop myself from spiraling into a binge, go to the store after dinner and feast on junk and sweets, order a pizza and JUST GET STUFFED because it feels like my struggles are pointless. Every day some part of my brain tries to convince me that I've already ruined it so I could go all the way down on food, or that I could have "one last day of treats" and restart tomorrow, which will of course not happen.
- Solutions I am considering: 5:2 fasting, low carb week, quitting sugar cold turkey, cardio purge to cut the bloat etc. What I feel that will help me is a diet with definite food in it, so I don't derail from it adding up more food and eating way more than I planned. I am just very confused but I feel like 1-2 good days would put me back on track. I'll try to do that again.
Thank you for letting me write these down here, it did help with my thinking process, and my conclusion is - I probably want real food because of switching into shakes, I'll need better time management to cook for myself more often, and 1-2 good days will probably put me into better mindset due to being satisfied from those good days. If you have any suggestions or ever felt this way I'd love to hear from you too. Thanks!
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