TL;DR because I got extra share-y once I started writing. I have always had weight issues, and was not able to motivate myself to make a change. However, I have recently become very interested in budgeting and saving, so I have begun to treat calories like money. I found an online calculator to determine how many calories I should be eating daily to lose weight, and I use my calories like currency to "buy" the foods I eat each day. If I run out of money, I'm done eating for the day. This has caused me to think ahead and plan my days, rather than just eating whatever I feel like at the time. I am not restricting myself from any certain foods, so I never feel like I am depriving myself. If I have a bad day and make an unhealthy choice for a snack or dinner, it's fine as long as I adjust my other spending accordingly and stay in my budget. I understand that this may not work forever, and as I lose more weight I will have to start looking at more than just calories to keep losing, but for someone like me who has a very large amount of weight to lose, it has been a great starting point.
Now for you readers, my backstory. I grew up with a single mom of three kids who worked her butt off, but barely made enough money to pay rent most months, let alone afford to keep fresh fruits and veggies in the house. She worked 2nd and 3rd shifts most days, so either me or my older sister would cook, and being young, dinners were often huge unhealthy carbohydrate and fat bombs like spaghetti or Hamburger Helper.
The situation was made worse, because our mother felt guilty over not being able to buy us a lot of the new clothes/shoes, toys, or video games our friends parents bought them so she pretty much never said no when it came to snacks. The crisper drawer was never full, but there was always a bag of chips or a box of cookies around. It didn't help that she was an avid snacker herself.
All of that (combined with no self control, I fully understand that I am not blameless in my situation) led to me finishing high school around 300 pounds. My problem then became what I can only describe as some type of reverse body dysmorphia. I knew I was fat, but I never felt as big as I was, because I was active, and my weight never kept me from doing the things my friends did. I could still run and ride a bike without getting winded. I was working in a warehouse and putting people half my size to shame. I even lost a little weight due to sheer physical activity, although I was living on my own now and still eating like crap.
I eventually left the warehouse to work in a shop doing electrical assembly. The pay and benefits were better, but the majority of my day went from hustling up and down a picking line for 8-10 hours, to sitting at a bench working with small hand tools. The weight I had previously lost came back with a vengeance, and brought along backup. For the first time in my life, the effects of my weight gain were not able to be ignored. I would start to get winded on even short walks. I could no longer sleep through the night because no position was comfortable. I would avoid social situations if anyone outside my core group of close friends were going to be there. But I still just buried my head in the sand and did my best to ignore it.
Fast forward to about a year ago. My health insurance at work started a new wellness program. Basically they tripled insurance rates, but provided credits that could bring you back down to the original cost if you met certain goals. The largest credit is for not smoking, however, you cannot receive that credit unless you are tested for the other credits as well. So I put it off as long as I could, but finally had to go get measured to receive the credits I was eligible for. At this point I had not stepped on a scale in probably 3 years, I stopped once I crossed the 330 mark. So I get to the office, and step on the scale, expecting it to settle around 350, and preparing myself for the rush of embarrassment. I never even got the chance to feel embarrassed, because I was shocked to see the scale shoot passed the 350 mark like the Price Is Right wheel spun by an over-caffeinated body builder. When the smoke cleared and the numbers settled I was speechless. 476 pounds. I thought it was a mistake, someone that big wouldn't be able to get out of bed, right? The only good news is i found out that through some miracle, my blood pressure, cholesterol, and glucose levels were all normal. Yay for small victories.
I took the results to my doctor and was told that if I didn't make serious changes soon that my life was at risk. They recommended a nutritionist, but the thought of having to tell another person my weight was embarrassing enough for me to try and go it alone. Over the next several months, I tried to do a complete 180 from my previous habits. No chips (my biggest weakness) or any other snacks. No fast food. No breakfast. Lunches and dinners were boneless skinless chicken with a salad of just lettuce and tomato, because I didn't like any other veggies. It worked at the beginning, like most diets, and over the course of about 3 months I was able to lose 35 pounds.
It was around this time that Covid hit NJ hard. My work remained open, but we were worried about going to into any stores so instead of grocery shopping we started ordering takeout again for dinners, and eating fast food for breakfast and lunch. It is easy to blame Covid now, but I am sure that is at least 50% excuse, because I was really just miserable from the previous three months I had spent dieting.
This brings me to my present path. It was August, and my birthday was approaching. My breathing was getting worse, to the point I would be winded after a walk to the bathroom at work, or out to check the mail. When my brother and I went out to do yard work, I would need to carry a chair around because standing for more than 5 minutes would send knife like pain through my lower back. I regained the 35 pounds I lost and put on 10 more. 485 pounds. I just became sick of my quality of life and decided this is it, it's now or never.
So I started researching CICO. An online calculator told me that to maintain my weight I would have to eat over 3700 calories, which sounded ridiculous to me until I started to look into the "nutritional" info on some of the foods I had been eating. Bagel melt for breakfast, 600 calories; Mcdonalds for lunch, 1100 calories; cheese steak and french fries for dinner, 2000 calories; half a bag of chips for a snack, 1000 calories. It sounds dumb now, but I had never realized how much I was truly eating.
The calculator also told me how many calories to eat for various levels of weight loss, and even for the extreme category of 2 pounds per week, I was allotted somewhere around 2600 calories. I knew if I went super restrictive from the get-go that I would eventually slip up, and go back to my old crappy eating habits. So this time I chose not to restrict anything I eat. I have been big into budgeting and saving lately, so I started looking at my calories like they were money. Like an allowance you would give a child who is just learning to spend and save. I can buy (eat) whatever I want, but I cannot spend more than my allowance in any given day. So now when I reach for that bag of chips I have to decide if it is worth cutting my dinner in half later because I don't have enough calories left to spend. Because I am so habituated towards snacking, this has led to choosing healthier snacks because they are cheaper (lower calorie) and I can fit more of them into my budget. I am still eating boneless skinless chicken breast and green beans for most dinners, but it is more for the sake of simplicity rather than a restrictive choice. I can still have a different dinner on nights where I'm just not feeling the chicken, but it still must fall within my daily budget.
This all began on August 15, and as of this morning I am down 57 pounds. I never thought I would be proud to weigh 428 lbs, but I am. I am finishing most days with a remaining balance of around 800-900 calories without ever feeling like I am starving or depriving myself. I look at those calories as savings, not so I can spend extra the next day, but to save and buy me more years on this planet. This weekend I was able to do yard work without a chair, and I didn't feel like I was about to have a heart attack. I won't be running marathons anytime soon, but I no longer get winded during the 50 yard walk to the bathroom at work. I am actually looking forward to my future for once, and I can see the possibility of living life rather than just waiting around for it to end. Thanks to anyone who read this far, and I wish you all luck in your own journeys.
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