I’ve been obese for awhile now, since I got out of college really. I fell in love, got a desk job, and had a kid. During this time I’ve gone through ups and downs of wanting to lose weight. Sometimes I feel ready and other times I’m ready to pig out at a buffet.
I tried to count calories myself, join a gym, simply eat healthy, weight loss programs like Noom, and no matter what I tried I was letting myself down.
In my weight loss journey I have been journaling and meditating, and it has helped me hone in on some of the feelings I have about the whole issue. I’ve even looked in to life coaches, nutritionists, and a fitness trainer- which were all too expensive. This mama is on a budget!
It wasn’t until this week that I realized I think I have a problem with stress eating. I have something stressing me out and I think about food and how good it would taste and I would somehow forget about my issue and focus on the food.
With that being said, I talk with a therapist and currently on meds for depression and anxiety, so I think I am in the right direction. I am just so confused with myself sometimes.
I hate the way I look ALL the time and I know I am fat and need to change it before I end up too big to change it. I will get these feelings where I am so sick of it and ready to change. I put forth the effort to change and then bam, suddenly a feeling of wanting to just eat whatever I want comes in. I eat whatever I want and become demotivated. After that I feel that I let myself down and send myself into even more turmoil.
I’ve always been a “if you want something bad enough you’ll make it happen” sort of person, but my weight loss journey doesn’t seem to be black and white like that statement. I want to be thinner and healthier, but I keep letting myself down... why?
Thank you for reading this if you made it all the way to the bottom. Sometimes it feels good to write out something that I know will be read by someone else instead of writing in my journal.
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