A testament to how I feel now - a public reminder if and when, I ever need it.

I have 'restarted' my weight loss journey and this time around, it feels really different.

I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life: the angry, red stretch marks on my body have spread in places I've never seen before - I was getting winded from scooping and carrying cat litter - I just stopped looking at myself all together in the mirror, living in complete denial and shame. For a long, long time.

The first step towards change for me was to reach out for help in regards to my mental health - getting back on my anti-depressants that I abruptly stopped taking a year ago. I was able to sleep. I was able to get out of bed. I was able to will myself to take a shower instead of a week and a half going by, not knowing what day it was or even caring.

I started to get that faint feeling inside, that voice saying "I'm worth it - worth something" and deserving of self-care. And slowly, it has propelled me into wanting to make a change with my physical health.

I've lost 11 pounds so far and I'm cheesin' really hard as I type that.

I make my own meals now - inspired to make healthy tasty meals that will fuel me and my fiancé. I log my calories, happily but not obsessively like I used to. I haven't eaten fresh fruit in months and that seems crazy to me to say out loud: I've re-discovered my love for frozen grapes *chef kisses* and they are indeed worth all the rage. My fridge is filled with herbs, veggies and fruits and I don't hear those forceful thoughts of: you have to eat this- you have to go on a 'diet' and you will be miserable. I have healthy snacks in my pantry that, for once, I don't feel like binge eating, like I would have years ago.

My fiancé has always been my cheerleader, my best friend and lover - but I've noticed the extra-supportive hugs and words of encouragement day to day: saying you can do this! I'm proud of you!

And for once, I actually am hearing what he's saying and I believe it for myself too.

I'm excited to be a newcomer to this community and to learn from you all. To be inspired and encouraged from your own journeys. I'm excited for the present and for my future, and instead of shaming the past me- I'm thanking the "old me" for surviving and holding on till now.

submitted by /u/-ThePallasCat-
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/32HlGYZ