Can I really do it on my own?

Hi. Sorry. I need to vent, sort of.

Where I’m from there’s not a lot of knowledge, I suppose, on the idea of plain old CICO. You either lose weight with surgery, by doing fad diets if you stick to them, or by getting help from a certified dietician/nutritionist (not sure of the difference). I chose the third option and it was actually working really well for me.

Appointments twice a week, biweekly meal plans, biweekly measurements and weigh ins, etc. Nothing I couldn’t do on my own in theory, but having someone guide me really helped. I lost 15lbs over 5 months which, for me, is a huge achievement. I’d never managed to get past the 6lbs loss. So things were going great.

Except I started falling every so often, and then it became more and more often, to the point where if I broke my diet I spiralled into a week long binge without caring at all about the fact that I had an appointment the following week. Actually, I did care. I had nightmares and my anxiety was overwhelming because I knew that I was 1. Not following the meal plans and 2. I was wasting my money going to each appointment and either not losing any weight or gaining it back. And just seeing my weight on the scale stuck or moving up really soured my days, but it didn’t stop me from over eating. In fact, it MADE me binge more.

So last Friday I just cancelled my next and any future appointments. And as soon as I did that I felt free and I actually ate healthy, without binging at all, sticking to the meal plan, decent portions, etc. And the question sort of hit me.... can actually do it on my own? Or will I regret cancelling my appointments and eventually fall back into my bad habits?

Idk. I’m conflicted right now. I want to be free of the control that food has over me. I just want to be able to eat healthy and feel satisfied and not snack on sugar and junk food every hour in between meals. I want to lose weight to be fit and confident in myself, but I don’t know if I can do it on my own. Everyone I personally know that has lost weight has done it with the help of a doctor like mine. But I also don’t want to depend on someone else to achieve this, even though in the beginning it was really working for me.

Even though I felt “free” as soon as I cancelled my appointment, I also felt scared. Scared that I’m now alone again with my bad eating habits that got me to my highest weight. Terrified that if I don’t have my doctor to help me along the way, I’ll gain everything back and then some.

My next appointment was supposed to be tomorrow, so right now I also feel sad about what I did. Sad that I “gave up” after five months. Especially because prior to this doctor, I had never lasted more than a month on a meal plan with any other doctor. At one point I really thought “this is the one. This doctor is the one that will help get there”. And now I cancelled the appointment and I’m sad about it.

What do you guys think? Is long lasting and healthy weight loss something that can be done on your own?

Thanks for reading ):

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