Wednesday, November 4, 2020

Failed Many Times Before - Now Down 80lbs and Almost 2 Years of Consistent Weight Loss

I'm 33F, 5'7 and as of this morning I weigh 215 lbs exactly. I started by weight loss journey at 295 lbs so I've officially lost 80 pounds! I'm excited about that number, but there's been another number fact that has me more excited for some reason. I don't have 100 pounds to lose. If I was 115 I would be classified as a little bit underweight. "You have more than 100 pounds to lose to get to an appropriate BMI that's impossible!" was a common negative self-talk thought I'd have. I don't often fall into that kind of negative self-talk anymore, but man this is a great counter point to have should I ever get in that mental space. "Oh that thing you said was impossible to even start? I'm over half way done!" Anyone else have those kind of odd number victories?

Prioritizing my mental health has made this journey so successful and it has me feeling confident as I continue. I worked really hard on valuing myself as I am at this moment, and to stop assigning value to some fantasy version of myself who is thin already. I'm not going to waste emotion on that or put my life on hold because I'm not her. She doesn't exist. But I do exist, right now, in this moment so that is where I should put my love, value, and care. And breaking free of maladaptive coping mechanisms like binging means loving, valuing, and caring for myself comes in the form of healthy choices, discipline, and self compassion for the moments I inevitably do mess up. That has made it so much easier to forgive myself and get back on track.

I've got 75lb more to go until I get to my general goal zone and I feel really secure in my ability to do it.

Specific bullet points that I think could be helpful to anyone else on this kind of journey:

*I track calories as well as added sugar and sodium, but I haven't restricted myself from any certain kind of food.

*I work on being patient. It's taken me about a year and 9 months to lose 80, so the "slow and steady wins the race" has been working for me and it's helped me properly settle into habits I want to have the rest of my life.

*My eyes were opened to new perspectives on trauma and addiction (new to me) and how they have played a part in my life and my binge eating. Listening to Dr. Gabor Maté and Dr. Nzinga Harrison really gave me some ah-ha moments that lead me to better self-awareness and treatment.

*Shame and self-loathing are terrible fuel. I've used them in weight loss attempts in the past and they can only get you so far, but won't last in the long run.

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