Here are the pics right away if you don't want to read my post. NSFW.
Hi Reddit.My entire life has been a battle with weight and self-image. It’s been quite a journey.I posted 9 years ago about losing 200 pounds. I don’t want to rehash the entire thing, so here is a link to the lengthy post with lots of pictures if you’re curious (NSFW). The short version is that I was 400 pounds when I was 13, lost a lot of weight via diet / exercise and was ~220 by age 15. Gained it ALL back over 8 years and was 400 again by my early 20s. And then lost it again via diet / exercise over a 2 year period.It has been 9 years since then I have maintained the entire weight loss with only a mild fluctuation in weight. I (temporarily) gained a bit of weight back partially due to depression, but honestly mostly because of my loose skin issues. The skin looked unpleasant no matter what my weight was, but it looked more noticeable when I was at a lower weight.
I’ve had loose skin since the first time I lost the weight as a teenager. I’m 31 now, approaching 32. Essentially for the past 20 years (⅔ of my life thus far) I’ve been dealing with loose skin. It became part of my mental identity, and definitely not in a positive way. It’s really hard to keep hearing comments from people. Friends, strangers, all of them. They rarely mean it negatively on purpose. But how many times can I get naked in front of someone and have the first comment be “oh, you lost weight” before it breaks me inside.
It’s not even sex partners that bring it up either. EVERY SINGLE TIME I would fly on an airplane, I would have to get special searched because they thought I had stuff strapped to my arms and waist. Which was just my skin showing up on their X-ray. Or every time I get blood drawn, the phlebotomist mentions “oh you used to be fat”. Every. Single. Time.
I don’t mean for this to be a depressing post. I’m actually in a (relatively) good place now, all things considered. That’s a whole conversation right there, but this year is so hard for all of us that I think my own personal stuff isn’t as relevant right now. The point is, though, that loose skin sucks. And I don’t want to discourage anyone from losing weight because they are afraid of loose skin. I have skin issues because I lost half my bodyweight. Gained it back. And lost it all again. Most people will not be in my situation. Even if you are, it’s worth it. I remember the first time someone sat next to me on a public bus. Which sounds like a very normal thing. But I had never, in my entire life, been skinny enough that I only took one seat. It was a very important moment for me. Things like that, as silly as they are, are worth all of the mental work to lose weight.
This post is meant to be more of a celebration of my journey rather than a depressing diatribe. So, after dealing with skin for years, I decided to talk to a surgeon about it. I researched surgeons for several years, and I knew how expensive it would be. Not fun. I debated traveling outside the US, but there was a surgeon in my city who is AMAZING and one of the premier weight loss skin surgeons in the US. it was worth the extra money to be a patient of this doctor, his work is impeccable and he and his staff are amazing.’ This is not an advertisement, so I’ll stop there about him.
I had a consultation last summer and we talked about my options. I was so scared. For so many reasons. My procedure was to be an 8 hour ordeal. Lower body lift and brachioplasty. Essentially, waist/groin and arms. Not only is that a scary thought, but it’s also absurdly expensive. All out of pocket. And this is something I did entirely myself. No partner, no family help. Once again I'm not being negative, simply explaining a reason this was stressful for me.
Nonetheless, I wanted this so I set up a surgery appointment for this summer (July 2020). I had gained a little weight over the past 8 years because of my skin issues (as i mentioned above). I lost the 30 pounds EASILY again. Piece of advice for people who are afraid of losing weight and gaining it back. You can just lose it again. If you do it once, you can do it twice. If you did it twice, you can do it three times. It’s the same. Don’t be scared. Maintaining is hard, but life is hard. Just do it.
So, fast forwarding. I had the surgery July 1 2020. It is now 4 months later, and I just had my final pictures taken at the surgeons. The scars are (obviously) not faded yet, but I’m essentially fully healed, and I just need to wait another year for the scars to fully fade.
How was surgery? I don’t remember haha. The anesthesiologist was great. I was talking to her, and then I woke up groggy in a chair after surgery.
The first two weeks post surgery are the worst. Especially for a lower-body lift. My incision spans my ENTIRE waist, all the way around. It’s hard to walk. You can’t stand upright, your entire torso is held together with sutures. Sitting is hard. Moving is hard. There were drain tubes in my torso leaking fluid for about 10 days.
Following a surgery like this, you NEED someone to help you. Not just drive you home, but take care of you the first 2 days. Someone to give you meds every 4 hours, help you get out of bed, adjust your position, and just talk to you so you don’t get terrified. I don’t have a partner, but a close friend of mine was amazing and spent 2 days with me in a drugged up coma and I couldn’t have done it without her.
The hardest things the first couple days were getting out of bed, going to the bathroom, and feeding myself. It’s very scary to sit on a toilet when your entire waist is an open wound held together with stitches. And the opiate drugs make you severely, severely constipated. The amount of laxatives I was taking the first 2 weeks is honestly legendary. Even then, it barely worked . I don’t mean for this to be an unpleasant discussion, just an honest depiction of what it was like.
Despite this all sounding bad, I actually did really well with all of this. I was walking around unassisted by day 2, although I had to be near a wall to support myself. Within a few days I could walk alright around the house. A week later I walked around outside, but had a panic attack when I almost ran out of strength 10 blocks from my house. Surgery like this weakens you a lot. It takes many weeks to get back to full strength.
I wore a chest compression garment for a month to control swelling. I still wear arm compression intermittently these days. Physical activity will lead to swelling in surgery areas for a few months. It’s normal. My arms have been slower to heal than my waist but everything is going well.
There are a few areas that are partially numb, particularly under my navel and at the top of my hip bones. It's very normal. Sensation may return, but it may not. It's extremely weird at first, but you get used to it. The weirdest thing was the feeling of reaching down to grab my skin (a nervous habit), and then finding ... nothing. It takes weeks to adjust to the skin being physically gone.
I’m not sure what else to say. I’ve posted some pics that tell the story of this summer for me. It’s been a journey. I still have issues with self-image. I probably always will. I’m working on it. Sometimes I look at myself and I’m really excited, and sometimes I’m sad. It is what it is. I will say, I’ve never felt so good about myself than I have lately. I feel like myself for the first time in my entire life. I don’t have to hide behind baggy clothes so that my skin doesn't hang out.
This surgery cost a LOT of money. I’m not in a great financial spot right now, especially after Covid. Which is fine. I’m not asking for money, I’m just trying to be real about how I’m describing all of this. I saved up for years for this and have it all figured out. It’s just hard knowing I can’t be saving any money this year because of Covid. I was supposed to be working on building back my savings.
Was surgery worth it? 100% yes. So much yes. Like I said earlier, I don’t want to suggest that loose skin is a reason to avoid losing weight. Losing weight is great, and you wont realize how much better you feel physically until you lose weight and everything is just easier. But Loose skin isn’t fun. I've gotten really into running over the last decade, and it's SO COOL now that my chest doesn't flap around when I run. I feel like a real runner now.
I feel good about myself right now and that’s the first time I’ve really said that in a long time. It’s not perfect, and if I was rich I’d go back and have my breasts and buttocks done. Maybe in 10 years I can save up and do those. Knowing how these first surgeries went, it wont be as scary at least.
I know this post is really long and rambling. But there was a lot I wanted to get off my chest. This community was a big part of my weight loss success in my early 20s. I haven't been here much in years, but I wouldn’t have gotten to where I am without Reddit and these communities. So I hope i can show someone the light at the end of the tunnel. Or something.
If you have questions feel free. Not sure what else to say. This has been a hugely emotional summer for me and I tend to get lost in my head thinking about this.
If you read all this, thanks. If you didn’t, then still thanks.
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