I always have been a chubby kid , I had a lot of insecurities about my body etc. later on I also became an emotional eater which made me even gain more pounds. At the end, when I was 18 I weighed a horrendous amount of 280 pounds at my height of 6'1". I hated my body so much and felt so insecure about myself that it made me decide for a change. I went on a diet, I first tried "keto" but failed after a week then I tried only "fruit diet" but failed after 5 days and so on much more diets.
till I discovered CICO, I could still eat cake and lose weight! it sounded as a dream to me. I only had to stick under my calorie maximum nothing more. so I started to eat 1600 calories a day and I did it! I could sustain this diet more than week! I finally started to lose weight. I lost 11 pounds in a month I was so proud of myself but I thought I could lose the weight a bit faster so I decided to lower my calorie intake to 1300 calories. I did this for another month and lost an additional 15 pounds. I was very euphoric about it but yet I didn't feel like I got skinnier I still saw the guy of 2 months ago.. I just felt as fat as I was before even though I was started to get compliments of people that I looked healthier etc.
because I didn't see any results of my weight loss I decided to eat a little 1000 calorie.. and no unhealthy foods anymore. From this point I also started to weigh all my food, counting all my calories religiously, weighing myself more than 3 times a week. This month I again lost 15 pounds, I weighed 238 pounds now and I was still in the obese range so I wasn't satisfied about the pace I was losing weight.. I decided to get my calorie intake even lower to 700-800 calories and to exercise everyday 1-2 hours, from this point it all became super unhealthy, I felt fatigued, dizzy and so much more, it also became unhealthy mentally.. I was weighing myself everyday, thinking food all day, I was worrying about going out with friends because there might would be food involved, writing the day before what I would eat. it was fourth month of my diet and I lost a total of 25 pounds that month, I finally wasn't obese anymore. I was so happy about it I was starting compliments of my family, friends etc. but yet I felt just as fat as 4 months ago and thought I was still eating too much
So I lowered my calorie intake to 500... I also had to exercise everyday 2 to 3 hours from now on My family's first worries began here too, they said I should eat a bite more and exercise a bit less.. but I was like "noo don't worry I know what I'm doing" so I continued with this extremely unhealthy diet, I lost an additional 25 pounds this month, I weighed 188 pounds by now and finally had a healthy weight but it wasn't enough for me I still felt fat and unhappy about my body I still had to lose weight and it had to go faster. so I decided to fast 2 days a week to lose even faster weight. now I started to feel that my body didn't like the way I was losing weight, I got constipated, felt tired all day, felt weak, felt moody.. by all this extreme dieting and exercising I also became social isolated because I HAD to exercise 3 hours a day and I was focusing so much on food that it made me forget about my friends and family.. I was staring to lose friends but I didn't care because I HAD to lose weight no matter what.
anyway I ended up losing 25 pounds on my 6th month and weighed now 163 pounds, my relatives were now really starting to worry this was also the first time that my mom mentioned about a potential eating disorder.. people were also starting to say that it was enough for now and that I should eat normal again.. but for me it still wasn't enough and I still felt fat.. I had to lower my calorie intake again of myself.. to 250 calories a day with 2 days fasting a week. at this moment I felt too tired to still exercise 3 hours a day so I had to lower it to 1.5 hours a day.. now I started to experience more physical effect of my diet such as hair loss, having it cold, feeling tired etc. this 7th month I lost another 20 pounds and weighed only 143 pounds at 6'1" my bmi was now only 18.8 and my parents were starting to warn me if I would lose more weight that they will consult a general practitioner. but I wasn't caring about that because I still felt fat and still had to lose weight of myself.. people were starting to gossiping about me that I might be anorexic because they never saw me eating and I kept losing weight.. from now on I entered the "underweight" section and secretly I felt pretty good about it but I started to look unhealthier and unhealthier but I didn't see it.. I still felt fat and I still wanted to lose weight.. later on my mom called the general practitioner to let me have a health check. and the blood tests showed all kinds of vitamins deficiencies.. I had underweight and felt weak, I was pretty shocked about it.. that my health was so bad. The general practitioner gave me a multi vitamin complex and sended me to a psychologist to diagnose me with a potential eating disorder.. I thought by myself that it was impossible that I had an eating disorder.. but later I got diagnosed with anorexia nervosa I was really shocked about it..
I got therapy for Anoreixa but sadly it didn't work and I lost the other months even more weight and went to 95 pounds at 6'1" at that weight I got hostipalized and got tube feeding it was horrible... after the hostipalizing I went to a clinic for eating disorders but sadly that also didn't work a few months later I got hostipalized again because I still didn't wanted to eat, I got forced tube feeding etc it was horrendous.. I got back at a healthy weight but "eating" was something i just couldn't do anymore later on I lost the weight again. and also the years after this, I went to clinic to clinic, tried to eat, tried every therapy, got hostipalized mulipte times..
now after 8 years of Anoreixa I got diagnosed with chronic Anoreixa which means I can't recover anymore.. sadly this disease will take my life really soon.. I currently weigh only 93 pounds at 6'1", I've quit eating now completely, I'm saying goodbye to my family and I'm living my last days of my life... I sadly lost the fight, I sadly have thrown my life away. it is over for me, I have lost..
the thing I wanted to say with this story is that you should really watch out with low calorie diets and cash diets etc. remind to keep it always healthy and to fuel your body! to lose weight at a healthy pace, to eat a healthy amounts of food and the most important thing is that to enjoy your life and not to let food control your life. don't make the same mistakes as me.
goodbye.
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