So, over the course of the last 11ish months, I have been steadily losing weight and it slowed down considerably in June to the point I thought I was doing something wrong. I went from 115-110kg last December, when I actively took an interested in weight loss, to 82kg as of this last month (right now I am at 85 because I've been eating a lot of carbs lately (curry is such a good fall food)). I was getting discouraged, I was emotionally/mentally beating myself up too, which was causing me to just, eat more because I was comforting myself with food.
I still see myself as the same size I was before I started to lose weight (Altogether I've lost about 54kg) even though it's pretty obvious I have lost weight, I don't see it because I don't see me all the time. Ordering new clothes has been an anxiety train wreck because the tap measure says I'm a size 12/14 US and my brain says that I'm still a 22/24 US. I think I've been struggling so hard with it because I haven't hit my 'goal' yet so therefore I don't get to/should celebrate how far I've come because that celebration could derail me entirely and I'd wake up tomorrow back at 136kg. I'm still terrified I'm not going to fit into the clothes I've ordered (but I'll have to because I have to get them shipped to me overseas and returns would be impossible at that point (as packages to the states have to be sent by freight ship right now)), but I'm also certain that even if they're snug I'm still going to be okay and if they don't fit now, they will later.
These last couple of months I have had zero energy and I've been tired, I've been eating at the same deficit of 500 kcal a day but just recently it dawned on me that my deficit is higher than my BMR and since I am incredibly inactive (a lifelong problem) I haven't been losing because I'm barely below/quite above where I need to be that day for calories. I've hit the point I'm going to stay until I change my actual habits.
This all led me to a bigger realization that I've only been seeing the forest for the trees. I've been watching the scale number go down (not as much but still) but since I haven't been taking time to appreciate my smaller body or work on my physical strength/health, I've stuttered to an almost stop.
I am weaker than I have ever been in my life, 2.5kg feels uncomfortable for me and I used to do 50kg lifting for work. I lost muscle simply because I wasn't hauling an extra 55kg in fat with me everywhere and so now I'm going to have to start on something I have always dreaded: Working Out. Exercise and I don't get along but I'm going to have to start because I want to enter my 30s at a healthy weight and strength. Next summer I want to be able to climb Mount Fuji without feeling like I'm dying.
So, in order to loseit, I'm going to have to lose my bad attitude about working out. Here's to pushing myself further and harder!
I refuse to return to the left and must continue to push myself to improve the right
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/35cxGmV
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