I’ve been losing weight over the past few months. It’s going great, everyone keeps commenting on it and it’s making me uncomfortable. I don’t know what to do. I try to make it pretty clear without actually saying something that I don’t want to talk about it, I never say thank you, I pretend I don’t know what they’re talking about and I change the subject.
I don’t understand why people feel entitled to comment on my body. My mum keeps telling me I look ‘hot’. My dad asked me if I was anorexic. My grandma told me I’m half the size I was (which, honestly, I’d only lost like 3kgs when she said that). These comments were annoying and made me uncomfortable but not that much.
My music teacher, whom I’ve known for nearly a decade and is sort of a father figure to me, asked me a few months back if I’d lost weight. And a little after that over zoom he said my face seemed thinner. It was weird and was kind of embarrassing in front of my friends but like, fine.
Then, my mum’s boyfriend told me I’d lost weight and that I looked really good. Which, brrr. I shudder just thinking about it. He and my mum are pretty serious but I barley know him and even though I know he wasn’t trying to be weird but I was so relieved that I was just about to leave anyways. And like my grandpa said I was turning into a woman and that I had a great body. He and also my other grandpa both have this thing were they would gently slap my sister and I’s and our cousins’ as a form of endearment, and I’ve never liked it but now it feels weirder. They’re not even supposed to touch us because of coronavirus. I know none of them think they might be making me uncomfortable or that it’s inappropriate but it doesn’t change how I feel about it.
A couple of years ago we had a family event and one of my grandpa’s friends was making a speech and he started talking about my cousin, who was my age at the time. He was saying things that were actually creepy and it really freaked me out. Also when I was like 11 my dad, my siblings and I were leaving my grandparents’ house (the other pair) and apparently their friends had just been coming over and saw us but we didn’t know. And later my grandmother told us they’d asked her who was this girl my dad was dating. I was horrified and disgusted. So now I guess I’m super aware of how adults see me.
I know how I look. I know that I’m 17 and that there must’ve been at least some adult men who at one point found me attractive. But I hate thinking about it. I hate that I have to get a constant reminder of that only because I’m doing something that’s mainly for myself (and yes, a little because I want guys my age to think I’m pretty, but not grown men). So every time I look in the mirror I think about it, and I get worried that I’m going to make more comments. Each time I get a ‘compliment’ about my body, I end up going over my calories that day.
I don’t know. Maybe I’m being unreasonable. But I just don’t get how it’s socially acceptable for adults to comment on a teenager’s body, even if it’s family. I know they love me and want to make me feel confident. Yet the feeling I get when they say these things is the same one as when strangers harass me on the street. I know it’s the same, but it feels the same. And if I say anything everyone will say I’m out of my minds and I will also ruin my relationship with those people.
Is it different when you’re an adult? Is it normal to not want compliments? Or am I actually just being unreasonable?
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