Had a major revelation that I wanted to share because I'm sure I'm not the only one....
I've always hovered around the 24 bmi mark. Not overweight, but not thin. I was always a big eater. I love food. Right before I got pregnant the first time, when I was fresh out of college, I had juuuust tipped the scales at 25.1..finally overweight. I went on to gain over 60 pounds that pregnancy. I had just lost my grandpa to diabetes and the weight gain, plus an almost diagnosis of gestational diabetes, put a fire under my tail to get healthy and lose it. That started an eight year journey of strictly enforced rules and anxiety. Lots of veggies and quinoa and whole wheat. I had two more babies and gained it all back each time. Had to lose it all over again after each one. I was so sure that my body was just dying to be fat, that I had uncontrollable urges and my body couldn't be "trusted" around certain foods. I thought my strictly enforced rules were necessary for the rest of my life, that this was just my fate since I can't be trusted around food. There was sooo much anxiety, with a few dips into some very unhealthy disordered behaviors.
So imagine my anxiety in 2020....I started my career and no longer have time to spend two hours a day at the gym. Then I got really sick in the spring and couldn't do any exercise for about two months...walking was strenuous even. And food? Gah. I started working and was suddenly faced with weekly doughnuts and cakes and occasional catered lunches. We suddenly had money for restaurants so our family got lax and Friday nights at the Chinese restaurant became a thing. Pizza got ordered once every couple weeks. We started going out for lunch after church on Sundays. These things were unheard of before, first because we couldn't afford it and second because I had it in my head that if I ever started eating out again then that would automatically equal me being overweight again.
Well. Here I am. Ten months later. The feared weight gain? It never came. I actually weigh a few pounds less than I did in February. I'm not counting calories. I'm not working out. (I will eventually start again, but my body needs a rest in this season and self-care right now means walking on the weekends and not beating myself up for that being it.) My diet isn't that great compared to what it used to be. This past week for dinner we had bbq chicken sandwiches and tots on Monday, plain old tacos on Tuesday, cheese pizza on Wednesday (picked up from Little Caesars because we were running somewhere), spaghetti on Thursday (with WHITE pasta....idk who I even am anymore), and homemade sheet pan pizzas last night. My mother-in-law left cokes in our fridge from Halloween last weekend, so I've been sipping a mini coke each day as well. Awful food, right? And this isn't the only week like this. Some weeks we're cooking whole30 dinners; some weeks are like this...eating food I thought would make me fat again. But nope. Turns out, my body learned its lessons. I'm not the same woman I was 8 years ago. I can't force myself to overeat like I could before. I had two slices of pizza last night. A small plate of spaghetti the night before that. Both of those foods used to be big triggers for me. I buy chips for lunches now, and there's no doubt in my mind that the handful I put in my lunchbox is gonna be all I want. I could tearrrrrr up some chips before. Now....I'm good after a lot less.
This realization has been a huge weight off my chest. I can just be normal, not consumed with food and counting and planning. I can eat whatever and trust my body to not overeat and to tell me when it's time to go back to healthier dinners (I'll start easily getting nauseated now after a few days of not great food). I wanted to share this because I know there are lurkers on here, feeling the same bricks I felt for years after my weight loss. I know you're terrified that this obsession with eating just right will have to follow you forever or immediate weight gain will follow. And I want to tell you that maybe that's not true. Your body really can reset itself. It can be "normal".
I guess my point is that losing it is a long battle. You're gonna have to fight for years. Like most battles though, there will come a day when it's time to put down your weapons. There will be peace. It might be a tenuous peace at first. But eventually it'll be peace and the battle will truly be over. There's hope for that.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3p6SjZB
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