So I'm not technically overweight, I've always been at a healthy weight but now I'm on the verge of being overweight for the first time in 5 years. I'm 21F 5'5 CW:147lbs GW:130-125lbs. I stopped weighing myself when I was 18, for no real reason I just stopped one day and never started again. Clearly in that time my weight has slowly crept up without me knowing, I'm sure lockdown had something to do with that as I was very inactive.
At my lowest when I was 18 I weighed about 127-130lbs, I felt good because I had been 150 pounds when I was 15/16 and the weight gradually fell off with no real effort, I still thought I needed to lose more though. Because of this change in my weight, I gave myself permission to hate my 16 year old self, I couldn't believe that I ever weighed that much, I never thought I'd get to that point again.
When I left secondary school I didn't start uni right away, I had a year at home. I could feel that I was gaining weight, clothes felt a little tighter. I thought at the very most I was 140, when I weighed 150 it was a very random weight gain so I didn't see it as a "set point" and thought I'd only get there again if there was a drastic change in my diet.
So, for the last 3 years, I've assumed myself to be 140lbs at the very most. I've been wanting to get to under 130lbs during that time and I had a sudden burst of motivation recently. I started dieting 3 weeks ago, I've averaged at 1350 cals a day and I walk an average of 6 miles per day so I'm fairly active. During this time I was thinking "it's probably only a few weeks until I'll be 130 again", but of course I wouldn't know for sure until I weighed myself.
I've had a fear of the scales for a long time, but since I've been working pretty hard to lose weight lately I thought I might have a pleasant surprise if I step on the scales and it'll be lower than I thought. I was terrified to step on them this morning, I told myself "as long as I'm under 140, I'll be okay".
Stepped on the scales and it said: 147lbs.
I was so devastated, I felt so disappointed in myself. "If that's what I weigh after weeks of dieting, what did I weigh before?" I thought.
I know for people who have literally hundreds of pounds they want to lose that this probably seems a bit stupid. But it's all relative, 150lbs for me feels awful, that's the heaviest I've ever been. I never thought I'd be that person again. I've had such a toxic view of my 15/16 year old self for so long that getting to that weight again makes me hate myself. And I think this is an important lesson to people who lose a lot of weight, don't hate your old "fat self" because that person is still you and you can get there again.
On the bright side, atleast I've started my weight loss journey. This isn't the first day, I've already formed some good habits over the last few weeks and I'm gonna carry on until I get where I want to be, it'll just take longer than I thought. I've lurked on this subreddit for a while on old reddit accounts and I've always thought that this was such a nice community so hopefully being involved will keep my motivation going.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/35pGYvQ
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