I'm in a really bad place with regards to my weight loss and am wondering if I just need perspective on my plan or what. I am a 5'3 woman and have lost 22lbs so far which I guess is cool but it was all weight that I put on during quarantine so honestly it doesn't really feel like progress at all, in fact it just feels like now i'm at my "real" start weight, and once I've reached that point, my progress has completely stopped and the scale will not move. I don't really look much different than I did before and my clothes aren't fitting much different because I've been fluctuating between my current weight and my highest weight but it did take me like 3 months to get here.
So to recap: I have been calorie restricting since February between 1200-1300 calories most days with a few cheat days thrown in. I am getting 10k steps a day but recently added running 2-3 miles about 2 or 3 times a week at a pretty slow pace and on days i exercise I allow myself 1500 calories but typically still stay around 1300-1400. I have lost 22 pounds but do not look any different, literally not a single person has noticed, my clothes don't feel very different at all, and to top it all off, my progress has just completely and 100% halted now that I am exercising.
I quite literally loathe the way I look right now. To say I am disgusted with myself is an understatement. I was in a friend's wedding about a month ago and the photos just came out (which were AFTER I'd lost about 20 lbs) and I just look so, so horrible and obese. I am dealing with so much anger at myself for ever allowing myself to get this huge. And that's after I'd already lost some weight!! I quite literally ruin most of the pictures I'm in because all you can see is how gigantic I am. I literally block other people out.
When I stepped on the scale this morning, after having a "good" eating day yesterday and running 2.5 miles, when I saw that in fact my weight has gone UP by .6 lbs, I can't even put into words the feeling of disappointment. I have not cheated or eaten a morsel of food or drink that I haven't tracked and weighed in WEEKS. I also drink an insane amount of water.
I am working so freaking hard at this and it just feels so unfair that I have not made progress in weeks and am apparently actively gaining weight despite all of the work I am putting in. I am ashamed to say that I have been in and out of tears all morning because I just don't understand what I'm doing wrong and why I'm not making more progress. I am playing with the idea of just completely giving up and eating what I want, or fasting for the next week.
What do you do when you're feeling this horrible and disordered with regards to weight loss? Specifically for short women: how do you manage not becoming completely obsessed with food and calories when we are only supposed to eat such a small amount of food in a day? This all just feels incredibly unfair and it almost feels like I am being punished by the universe for being short. I quite literally hate this process.
TIA if you read this or for any tips on how to feel even a little bit better about how much this fucking sucks.
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