Back to square one.

Age: 28

Height: 5'4"

SW: 180

CW: 180

GW: 165

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A quick background.

January, 2018. (~190 lbs) – The doctor says I’m pre-diabetic, have slightly elevated cholesterol and need to lose weight. Come back in the fall.

April, 2018. (Weight unknown) – I stop taking anti-depressants because I felt like a zombie with no motivation.

June, 2018. (~180 lbs) – I start to seriously focus on lifestyle change and different eating habits by counting calories.

September, 2018. (~165 lbs) – Follow up doctors appoint. Blood test comes back normal. A1C is perfect. I'm no longer pre-diabetic. He’s proud of me for losing weight and tells me to keep it up. I have also been prescribed a different anti-depressant.

October, 2018. (~162 lbs) – I decide I can take a “break” from my lifestyle change/diet as I am no longer worried I am diabetic. Subconsciously I stop wearing my FitBit.

January, 2019. (~180 lbs) – It’s after the holidays and I check my weight. I’ve gained it all back. I’m also back to feeling like a zombie with no motivation again.

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Let me begin by saying I’m an alcoholic. I’ve been sober for 3.5 years. Losing weight was very similar to getting sober, if not harder. I should have known how my mind was going to work. Just like someone who relapses with drinking, I feel like I relapsed with eating. Despite knowing better and having all of the knowledge from when I lost weight, I foolishly thought I could control my eating habits before I had a good enough grasp on them.

When I took a “break” from my diet, it’s not unlike an alcoholic taking a break from sobriety. Phrases “I can control my drinking,” and “I can control my eating,” are famous last words. They’re a slippery slope and all the sudden I start binging again. The denial and the rationalization are astounding.

I believe that the anti-depressants have contributed a large part to the weight gain. If for no other reason, I don’t even have the motivation to cook so I end up eating out every night… And then I see the ice cream shop.

Just a few months ago I was commenting on how good I felt. How much easier hiking was. People were complimenting me on my weight loss left and right. Now I physically feel bad again.

Needless to say, after discovering that I gained back a large part of my weight, today is a new day. I’m back to square one.

submitted by /u/Bautch
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