Did/does anyone else experience anxiety over approaching a healthy weight? How do you cope with it?

I only need to lose 7.3 more pounds until I’m at a healthy BMI, and that’s... terrifying?? I’m 18, 5’8, and my highest weight is 233 pounds. Now I’m 171.7, and once that scale of mine reads 164.4 or below, my weight will be healthy. (I know BMI isn’t necessarily a good indicator of health and whatever, but now that I’m not overeating frequently, my diet is relatively healthy, and my multi and omega 3 supplements fill in the gaps, so really the only thing putting me at risk for health problems is the few extra pounds I’m carrying, so y’know, BMI is fairly reliable for me)

My mom swears I didn’t start putting on more weight until age 9, but I can remember being fatter than everyone else as young as kindergarten. Being fat has been my identity for as long as I can remember.

But in only a few weeks/months, that’ll no longer be the case. Obviously being at a BMI <25 wont magically make me skinny and I’m not necessarily fat until I get <25 but like, it’s significant to be below that, y’know, and my body will look more normal and healthy. I won’t really be able to cling onto the safety of familiarity that being fat gives me.

I don’t know who I am if I’m not fat. Everything I’ve learned to do in social situations stems from being fat. Constantly talking negatively about myself because I’m petrified someone might think for even a second that me, the fat girl, would have the audacity to love herself. Always trying to be funny because hey, I may not have a good body, but I’m still good to keep around for the laughs. Never dressing how I truly want because most trendy clothes aren’t flattering. Even things like avoiding going outside because anything above 72 made me overheat like crazy (this winter is the first winter I’ve ever regularly felt cold in lower temps)

I’m quickly losing the ability to hide the real me behind fat, and it’s just so scary. I don’t know, maybe my age is playing into this a ton too, since I’m starting to lead an adult life, having a job, a car, and starting to look for my own place. Maybe the weight loss is just dog piling onto an ever growing identity crisis all teens reaching adulthood go through.

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