Frustrated, not sure where else to turn

Hi everyone here. I think I just want to get all my thoughts out in one place and I have nobody to talk to, so I wanted to make a post here.

I am struggling hard with this whole "weight loss" and "healthier life style" thing. I comfort eat constantly and I am completely addicted to food. I can wake up and instantly crave mcdonalds, and it will NOT get off my mind until I go get it. Its a cycle. I am fortunate that I am not super overweight yet, but I am not in a good spot and its going south fast. I am a 24 male, 6 feet tall 230 pounds and increasing. I was always chubby in high school, but when I graduated I went down to 180 and was feeling great, but the last 2 years I've gained 50 pounds back and it seems to not be slowing down.

I absolutely hate myself. I hate the way I am and I feel SO guilty every time I binge eat. It makes me so depressed and angry at myself. I also can't stand to look in the mirror. None of my clothes fit me anymore and im super self conscious. My mom, who is my best friend, has an overeating issue and I feel like I picked it up from her. She is 57 and probably 280-300 pounds and I am absolutely terrified of the health risks she may be facing soon if she does not change. Me and my mother are stuck in an endless cycle of "Okay, lets change and be healthy we can do this together!" to not trying just a few days later and pigging out on anything we please. I want so badly to find the strength in side of my to change my habits to show her "Look mom, we can DO this, I'M doing it. its POSSIBLE" but I just haven't found any success yet. The second there is a temptation in front of my I cave, I feel so weak. I really am starting to fear a bit for my mothers health soon and I want so badly for her to find the strength to beat her food battle (she has struggled her ENTIRE life) but I don't know how to help and I can't even seem to do it myself.

I feel like food is ruining my life, and it is also now causing me this fear. Does anybody have any advice at all? I know there is really not much to do other than to just DO it, but i am having such a hard time, and I dont know how to help my mom either. If something happens to my mom because of her weight I feel I will live the rest of my life with guilt wondering if I could have helped her more somehow, or if I lost the weight sooner if it would have inspired her.

I've suffered with anxiety and depression my entire life and food is my comfort and happy place, yet it is also ruining my life at the same time and causing just as much anxiety and depression as its supposedly numbing for me.

submitted by /u/losinghope1994
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