Friday, March 1, 2019

My best is not your best, and that's okay.

I'm 39, 5'9 at 259.5 lbs. I started my rescue mission 1.5 months ago at 272lbs. I'm a volume eater, and have been since I was roughly 8 years old.

I subscribed to this sub about a year ago. I wanted to lose weight, and while too painful to seek out regularly, the posts from this sub would pop up in my feed. My hope was that some wisdom/determination/fairy weightloss godmother would have an impact on me. Between chronic depression, dysphoria, and years of self destructive habits, I didn't know what else to do. I was lost and miserable, which was status quo for me. What was different now was that I could feel my body beginning to break down. I have arthritis in my lower spine, a herniated disc that causes high levels of pain each day, and am on cholesterol medication. My knees creak audibly when I walk.

When I interviewed for a new job in January, a fog lifted. The prospect of leaving my abusive job of 13 years made me lean towards a fresh start, in any ways I could manage. I downloaded the LoseIt app that folks mentioned here, and committed to logging everything I ate.

I got the job. I started it on 2/4, making more money, in a healthier environment, that pushes me in good ways. I've lost 12.5 lbs. I struggle with my old food habits every day; it's extremely difficult. I felt constantly "hungry" for weeks, but focused on the calorie budget. Eating at restaurants is the hardest, when there is no calorie count displayed. I'm not working out, eating a specific diet and tracking my macros...that sounds like THE best, but I think I am doing MY best.

I don't know if I'll succeed in recovering from my food addiction. I don't know if weight loss will make my back hurt less. I could die of a heart attack tomorrow, because I waited so long to take care of my body. The one comfort I would have would be that I'd die knowing that at least I was trying.

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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2Vuu48g

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