Growing up I was always overweight. As a gay male in a rural area far from a city it wasn’t easy. I remember being in middle school and people yelling at me all day how fat and ugly I was. I also never forgot the time my grandmother said to me when I was 14 or 15 in the middle of a busy store check-out that “you’re so fat now you need a bra”. At one point in my pre-teens to around 16ish I was about 300lbs. I felt terrible about myself and going into Highschool after a terrible middle school experience sounded terrifying. I started high school as the fat kid I always was and to my surprise people left me alone but I still always felt the shame and hurt of years prior. When I was 17 I finally decided to change my life style. I started monitoring what I ate and was walking daily on a treadmill. Very quickly I lost 5-10lbs and I felt very excited. This is where it began. I moved up to a brisk walk in the treadmill eventually up to running. Soon I was seeing 10lbs, 20lbs going so fast. As I was exercising more regularly my weight loss had slowed down a bit and it was frustrating me. I decided to cut my calories way back and was obsessed with logging the few calories I did eat on an app. I continued to run vigorously for months and eventually starved myself for days. After a year and a half I made it to around 140lbs at my thinnest when I started grade 12. The most of my weight loss was in the summer before the school year and people were shocked to see me this thin. I felt like I owned the world and I was so vain with my appearance and shopping for clothes in “skinny people’s” stores I could only have dreamed of wearing in the past. I became that mainstream, selfie-queen on Instagram when I was 18 and 19 and savoured every like. During this time I felt sick. I was always light-headed and tired every hour of the day as I still didn’t eat much. My mother would struggle to get me to eat some dinner each night. I had my blood work taken and everything was extremely low. My doctor had even told me that the weight loss had gone beyond enough and was no longer healthy.
I’m now 21 going into my 4th year of university and I weigh about 260lbs. Once I left home for a bigger city for school my schedule was so much busier I didn’t have the time to maintain the exercise I once did. My care for food started to slip and the weight slowly has come back over the past few years. I’ve been in denial thinking it hasn’t been much but every day in the back of my head looking into the mirror I do feel ashamed and ignorant for the way I mistreated my body. I’ve always told myself I’ll go back to the gym eventually for the past several months and i would go for 1 or 2 days and that would be it for another few months. The motivation feels completely gone. My self esteem has been affected and I feel constantly embarrassed. Im worried now because of this weight loss past it won’t stay off again and i wonder if it’s all a waste of time. Tonight I deleted every picture of myself on social media from the past when I was thin because the reality of it all seemed to just come now for the first time in years. Anyone have a similar story?
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2HdoaDW
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