This is going to be very long and rambly. I hope that someone is nice enough to read it and relate / help.
Some background information on me: I am a 22 year old female, I am 173cm (5ft6) tall and weight 86-85kg (189lb) (depending on when I weight myself). I have had issues with my weight ever since I was a child - in fact, one of my earliest memories is my mom and dad sitting me down and telling me that I am overeating. Until a few years ago I wouldn´t be considered overweight. Everything changed when I moved to another country and started university.
I got into a major I hated and had trouble making friends due to general anxiety about speaking the language and just being plane awkward. There was a lot of drinking and eating my feelings. My boyfriend was back home, I was sad, I had nothing to do. And so I gained about 10kg in my first year. I thought that was my breaking point. A few weeks later I was back to eating badly, hating myself for it, reaching "a breaking point" and so on and so on, the same thing over and over again.
Over the year I fixed some of the issues I had. I changed my major, found a friend group, got into hobbies I liked besides eating but in the end of the day, I kept gaining weight due to general lack of understanding food and calories. I tried going to the gym and had a total meltdown not once, not twice, but 7 times and decided that I needed a sport I liked - which is how I got into dancing. Dancing made me want to be better and for a few weeks everything was going smoothly until my boyfriend of 4 years broke up with me.
He pointed out many reasons for the break up. The one that I hurt me the most was my weight. I cried and I pleaded and I felt pathetic. It hurt so badly that I couldn´t eat for a few days. But when I finally started eating I couldn´t stop. It felt so good. I was sick of having to have control over myself. I wanted to feel good and ice cream and chips made me feel good. All of my effort meant nothing - the first bad thing that happened to me ruined my progress. That was a year ago and I have been trying to get back on track ever since. My dancing has improved but I am still fat. I have a new supportive guy in my life who really want to help me do better but I am fat. I am acing my exams but I am fat. My social life is great but I am fat.
I don´t understand my lack of consistent motivation about weight loss at all. I never had issues like this with any other aspect of my life. I wish I had the budget to see a professional but I don´t and I can´t wait long enough to gather the money for it. I am left with the internet only and it is filled with conflicting information. I am so confused and lost. Just this past month I finally managed to lose my first two kilograms and I was so proud of myself! ... until I gained them back a week later after a particularly hard week where I couldn´t fit any excercise and apparently miscalculated my calories.
I have been stuggling this week after realizing my effort wasn´t enough. I took a few days off to think things through and do research but to be honest I am still confused as to what exactly I can do. My plan right now involves trying to stick to around 1500kcal a day and being very strict about counting them properly, drinking enough water (since I always forget) and trying out IF (16:8) since I always feel like I am not eating big enough meals anyways and it feels like having a limited time for eating might help with that. I am hesitant to set any more rules for myself because I feel like they might overwhealm me and I might fail again.
Any potential advice from people who have been through this before or just words of encouragement are welcomed. As I said, I am feeling very lost right now and desperate.
Thank you for reading this. I´m really sorry if some parts were difficult to understand as I am not a native english speaker.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2WDTwJh
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