I'm not sure if this is the right place to post this but I've been a lurker for a while and this community seems really friendly and a good source of helpful advice. Also I'm on mobile and using a throwaway so sorry for any issues and I love this community so much so thanks for existing even you fellow lurker!
Tl;Dr - any advice on how to eat normally and stop binging but not your typical post?
For reference, I'm 20 years old and have almost always been unhappy about my size. I think a lot of it comes from my mother constantly being on a diet and making comments about my weight (not necessarily negative) and I'm 5'8 so any excess weight I carry just makes me feel really big (I also carry a lot in my face which doesn't help with photos). After a short period of binging and gaining Easter 2018, I was losing about 0.5lbs a week until around December. I found it hard to lose any more so maintained over Christmas, which I found quite easy. But then after I went too extreme (lost about 5lbs in 2 weeks) and bounced back so that now I'm a few lbs higher than at Christmas, gaining, and feeling less and less happy with my body every day. The thing is, although I "stopped" binging last year, in reality I still binge every 3 days or so. While I was losing, these "binges" would just be when I was hungry and then I'd stopped when I was nicely full (not just satisfied but not uncomfortable). However, since bouncing back the binges have been getting huge and apart from anything it's painful (I sleep poorly, my whole gut is in pain, I'm gassy, and bloated). Idk why I'm writing this I just feel a bit lost because almost every day I start a new plan either to lose weight or maintain and improve my relationship with food, but they never stick more than about 3 days until I binge and dismiss the idea as obviously not working.
I just want to lose this weight, am terrified of gaining back what I lost, and really just want to stop binging to this point of complete discomfort. And with it being summer I felt so confident a few weeks ago in shorts but I can feel that going away because even gaining a few lbs makes me feel huge now.
I'm currently at the top uni in my country, so although there's welfare stuff I get the feeling that they'd rather just force you to take a year out of your degree and sort out your problems than actually help you (and this really isn't an option for me because I know my mental health would plumet if I had to live at home for a year, never mind the fact that I love my degree and my friends here). But I haven't told anyone about these disordered habits which I guess is why I'm posting this. I'm really sorry if this isn't relevant or brings down the positive vibe in this community but I'm just feeling lost and would like any advice on what to do next in my life to stop gaining.
Also please don't suggest counting calories because even when I track without trying to lose I get stressed and binge more.
It's like, I read weight loss advice like "eat brown rice because it makes you fuller for longer" but that doesn't help because some days I'll just eat tiny portions of what I want (healthy ish) until I'm just satisfied to lose weight, but then I'll binge and eat a box of cereal, a jar of peanut butter, 5 bananas and 7 apples.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat http://bit.ly/2W8Jxi1
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