Trigger warning: mentions of depression and body image
Hi, first time posting here. I'm a high school senior, I'm 5'0 and I weigh 134.48 lbs (approx, it fluctuates to 132.28 lbs throughout the week). In 2017, as a result of a gym project where I had to track my physical activity, I lost like 8 pounds in a month (I had started at around 142-143 lbs). This started something I never thought would happen for me; a weight loss journey. By the end of 2018, I weighed 119.05 lbs. My goal weight was 110. I had traveled around that time and I ate enough for two on that trip, came back home and weighed the same. I felt like I had finally achieved a healthy and fit body. Then, school got really difficult. Starting around March of this year, I'd come home and raid the kitchen to forget about everything. I was afraid of failing academically. My mother passive aggressively showed her disregard for my weight gain. My face got wider., my dresses and jeans got tighter. Before my eyes, all of my hard work went down the drain. I try to not see the big picture now in regards to my weight (so I don't break down and cry because I can't believe I ruined what I did). School is even harder, I'm pretty sure I've got depression, and I am always doubting myself because I feel like I'll never amount to other people my age. I can't even begin to think about starting to lose weight again because it is so overwhelming. I'm self conscious, I don't like what I see in the mirror. I eat so much, so so much. When I'm not eating, I procrastinate to escape responsibility because I fear that I can't do anything right anyway. I don't know what my first step should be. I can't limit myself to anything because in times of stress, that's out the window and I'm back to eating until it hurts. More water? More exercise? I have almost no time because I spend around 12-25 hrs a week studying and the rest of the time I spend watching meaningless videos on YT to try and relax. I tried to go for a bike ride a month ago and I was embarrassed by how out of breath I was. I don't know what to do.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/33cZbt5
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