So I'm a 25 yr old female who's 5'5" at 150 lbs, and I'm trying to drop 20 lbs. It took me all of this past year to go from 170 to 150, and I've been frustrated by how slow my progress has been (but also thankful for getting to 150). Over this past year, I have developed bingeing tendencies (not full on binge eating episodes, but disturbing what-the-hell moments where I'll eat pizza and ice cream and donuts in a short amount of time). Last week, I created what I thought was a reasonable meal plan for myself (~1700 cals, all foods I enjoy eating, no added sugar, lots of veggies, good fats, and protein) and tried to stick to it, but I would still feel hungry and crave junk food. I even let myself snack on oranges and apples if I wanted, although I would feel guilty for not strictly eating what was in my original meal plan. Today, I cracked and went to Safeway and bought 2 huge slices of cake, two boxes of cereal, french bread, medjool dates, and honey infused peanut butter. I ate about half of each cake slice (one of which didn't even taste good), made myself avocado toast w/ french bread, then ate 2.5 bowls of Cap'n Crunch cereal all in the span of 4 hours. I feel like absolute crap. I feel like throwing up but I don't want to develop bulimia.
Here's some additional context to my situation:
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I'm super depressed. Getting or staying out of bed has been such a major challenge.
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I used to love going to the gym 1st thing in the morning Monday through Friday, but the inability to get out of bed on time has made that an issue. Not to mention my bike got stolen yesterday and I keep telling myself that it's too cold to walk 30 minutes to the gym at 5:30am (excuses). This lazy attitude has also prevented me from running on the weekends like I used to. I really like the consistency of working out 7 days a week, so once my schedule gets messed up, the rest of my daily routines do to. I can be very all-or-nothing.
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I'm in medical school right now and I just applied for a leave of absence without realizing that I would still have to finish the quarter (for logistical reasons). That means that I have 3 weeks to get my act together on time for various finals, followed by 1 week of moving out of my dorm and into my brother's apartment. I feel like once I move to my brother's place, I'll have the time to work out and I'm hoping that the novelty and freshness of a new city will give me a fresh perspective on life and a renewed motivation to eat right and stick to a daily structured routine that I build for myself. I know that the novelty may wear off, but I'm just hoping it can kickstart my good habits again.
I'm really desperate to lose this weight (or at least maintain weight until I get to my brother's place), and I know it takes patience (of which I have very little). Not even sure why I'm writing this post (I don't know what to expect), but support or advice or tough love would be nice. I know every action has its consequence, so I'm really annoyed that I let myself down and set myself back like this. I just feel like even though junk food is gross, I have no will or motivation to eat right (although writing this all out gives me some hope, oddly enough).
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