Hi everyone! I hope this is the right place to post something like this.
I'm a 27 woman and I've struggled with my weight for as long as I can remember. When I was younger, I was able to lose a lot of the weight, but I did it stupidly: severely restricted everything I ate and I exercising way too much. none of this was sustainable (nor was it good for me), and as bad as this sounds, I did like the way I looked: it was nice being able to wear things that I wouldn't normally, because I always felt so badly about myself when I was bigger.
I'm back to being a fluffier version of myself, we'll say, and I don't feel great about myself, but I don't know what to do. I'm afraid that if I were to try again, I'd become obsessed and end up right back at square one, but at the same time, if I decide to take things a bit slower, making small changes here and there, I'll feel like I'm not doing enough, that I'm being lazy and that I'm coddling myself too much. Plus, I don't know if it's because of what's going on, but I don't really feel like I have much of a will to even try. I used to be able to run long distances (a few years ago, when I was at my thinnest, I was able to run 20 miles), but now I seem to struggle with an hour, not because I can't; it's just the idea of spending any amount of time running right now fills me with ... dread. I used to love running though, I don't know what's changed. I feel like I've gotten really lazy and don't know how to shake myself out of it. I don't know if it's related to being in quarantine, but I just don't feel ... motivated to do anything, but the bare minimum.
even if I were to give myself a bit of a break, it's not just that I wouldn't now how (I've been on and off these sorts of things for years; I've never tried other diets, I've just restricted food in general, it worked and I stuck with it), I'd still feel ... unattractive. at the back of my mind, I worry that when the quarantine does eventually lift, and I still haven't lost enough weight to at least go out (when I gain weight, I avoid going out more than I have to; it's related to social anxiety), I'll feel even worse about myself.
This is going to sound ... terrible, but when I was able to lose the weight it was always because of something else, or rather, someone else. I've never seen myself as pretty, so I would compensate the only way I knew how; but when it ended with these guys I would fall into a slump and slowly slowly gain it all back. running lost it's appeal to me, because my mind would wander back there. I haven't felt like this in a while, I've avoided getting too close to anyone for a while: I'm afraid it'll happen again and I'm not ready to throw myself back out there, but on top of that, there's no way I could even try with someone feeling as low as I do. It kind of sucks, to be honest.
I want to be better than I am now, but I don't know how. I have a few tattoos, for example, and I keep promising myself that I'll get more when I've lost the weight ... but when will that be? is it even a good idea to attach something like that to weight loss? I feel like my life is on hold until I'm able to overcome this obstacle, I just don't know how. I don't know what to do. I can't accept being a bit bigger, but I don't know how to do this without having it consume me.
Thank you all so much!
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/36ylhsF
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