Hi guys, I think I need some advice here.
I'm 19, 5"6, 260 pounds and one week into my weight loss journey. The first few days I kept below 1800, and now for the past four days, I have been keeping it at 1500.
It's been difficult, but rewarding too. My days are more structured. I savour and take my time with my meals more. I feel like I'm working towards something.
However, I hit a stumble today. Both my parents are also obese. At lunch, my Dad brought home KFC. Immediately, I felt anxious as I thought about all of the calories. My Mum caught onto my pacing and nail-biting and advised me to have a small portion and leave out the chips. I did, but even so, I ended up consuming around 580 calories.
That's not much. I know it's not much. I know I have over 600 calories left for dinner later. But the problem is this: for a long time in my life, I suffered from bulimia. It was how I punished myself for my binge-eating. Now I've been clean from purging for two years. But after my lunch today, I had the strong urge to throw up that I hadn't felt in years. I still feel sick and nauseous now, even though I know I'm not sick.
I think my brain is counting my lunch as another binge, and because I'm hyperfocused on losing weight right now, its retriggered my bulimia. I have good coping mechanisms but I'm worried about my mental health. Does anyone have any good advice or experience with this? I want to be strict on myself, but if I'm too strict, I'll fall back into old habits. It feels like catch-22 - stay the way I am and be unhealthy, or keep pushing to lose weight, redevelop bulimia and be unhealthy that way too.
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