Ignore the title lol, it was just a thought I had but I meant to change it.
I'm a female, 21, and I weigh 143 pounds and I'm freaking out.
I've always been between 120 and 130 lbs. Basically at the start of 2020 I suddenly started gaining all this weight. Quarantine has probably a little to do with it, but it was happening before then, and I was actually working out at home for a portion of quarantine, plus working a physical job.
I'm freaking out because 143 on a 5'2" frame does not look good, at least not on me. I look incredibly unhealthy. Like, I have never been skinny. I actually liked being soft in certain places, but it's gotten too extreme now. I just look... flabby, ugh I'm cringing to even write that. The worst part is my arms. They are so fat that my shoulders are super rounded on the sides, if that makes sense. I literally have stretch marks on my arms. WTF. That is insane to me. I was taking outfit pictures today and I seriously looked so unhealthy. I can only imagine how bad I look to others.
I feel like I'm SUFFOCATING. Like I'm trapped under all this fat and nothing is working to get rid of it. And I know that sounds like a lie, and people are gonna yell at me for being lazy and making excuses but like... work smart, not hard, right? If I don't know how I got here, how can I fix it?
I don't know what's changed. Seriously. I get that calorie deficit = weight loss, but if that's true then how come when I go to sleep kinda hungry several nights in a row, I still don't lose any weight? I started doing this back in September just to see if my weight would change AT ALL, and the difference was marginal, so no, it basically didn't do anything. I track using my fitness pal, and without checking, I'd bet I get either get around 1,300 or 1,000, depending on the day. I used to eat closer to 1,500 and I weighed less and worked out less!
When I started gaining, I wasn't eating any different than I was last year or the year before. If anything I was actually eating HEALTHIER (ie, more whole foods). I am a vegetarian which I know can still be unhealthy, but I don't eat a lot of unhealthy things. I never get fast food and I cook most of my meals. I definitely eat carbs and sugar, but I am fully aware of when I exceed my limits for the day, and I always restrict myself to salad or something smaller the next day to make up for it. I am in the process of cutting sugar out completely and limiting carbs.
I typically save all my calories up to eat in one big ish meal. I've been doing that since high school when I used to kind of not eat at lunch because all the cool girls were doing it... it was dumb but it's a habit that's stuck. I've read that I shouldn't do that, but my schedule is making that change a bit difficult.
I am well hydrated! It's this big joke among all my friends because I go nuts for cold water. I feel marginally better on the days I'm well hydrated, which is most days, but even so, I'm still frickin fat!
I definitely struggle to work out, but I get a lot of steps in walking around my college campus. Over the summer, I rode a stationary bike for a few weeks, and before people say I didn't work hard, I absolutely did, I was like, shaking after my workouts. I also was on my feet working in a warehouse store for eight hours several times a week.
I'm not exaggerating when I say I was probably more active this summer than I had been before. So why on earth wouldn't I have lost weight?
I don't know what else could be causing it. I do have insomnia. I go to bed at like 5:30, sleep until 8, attend class, go back to sleep, and just keep doing that until 3 pm. It is horrible and I am working on it but so far nothing has helped, even exercising vigorously and getting up for work at 8 am didn't matter-- I would still be wide awake at 4 am.
I'm beginning to wonder if my hormones are really messed up, because I am getting day time and night time mixed up, and I'm gaining weight because of that? I don't know.
**TLDR*\*
I have always been around 120 to 130 and it has been fine. At the start of 2020 I randomly started gaining 15 pounds but I have no idea why because nothing really changed, like at all. I even have some My Fitness Pal data from 2018 and 2019 to prove it. I eat the same if not better, and I worked out the same amount if not considerably more given my job and my access to workout equipment at home.
I definitely struggle with insomnia, and typically I go to bed in the early morning and sleep until the afternoon, waking up every few hours to go to whatever class I have. I am wondering if this screwed up all those hormones that help with weight stuff and so that's why I'm gaining.
I'm really worried that I'm going to try so hard to lose weight (assuming I can ever get any weight to come off) and then just inexplicably gain 15 pounds again.
Thank you for reading, i know this was super long and complain-y.
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