Hello! I have quite a bit of a load to unpack with this post, so I hope you'll bear with me here. I'm not too sure if this post is suitable to be posted here - I have some heavy stuff I write about - so I don't mind if it has to get removed. Seeing this sub be so supportive and strictly regulated made me feel this is a safe place to post my problem below.
I'm a 5'0" 24 yo woman at 140 lbs. Always struggled with my physical health, and my mental health regarding it is a bit of a roller coaster. Dealt with body-shaming and sexualization, and regularly struggle with my own body-posivity. One day I'll get a peak of confidence in myself feeling beautiful just the way I look, then the next moment I see flaws in myself and feel terrible about myself. However, knowing that I'm slowly getting closer and closer to becoming obese and potentially getting diabetes like my whole family currently does, I know I need to make a change for myself. But I'm afraid of the consequences.
My goal weight is to be 120 lbs, and it's obvious that my body will thin out during the process. But I'm scared of how my worth will change through that journey to the end point. I've experienced friends leaving me behind and people not wanting to have anything to do with me because I don't match their appearance in being physically fit/naturally thin. I experienced being sexualized for my "thicc" seemingly hourglass figure, and have been body-shamed for it as well. I've read stories of people noticing that others who never gave them the time of day before suddenly wanting to hang out after they lost weight/became fit. I've also read stories of people getting hit on more after their weight loss. It feels superficial and shallow..
Currently it seems my only worth to people atm is for helping them with their career. I'm afraid of getting sexualized far more than I currently am if I lose weight. I'm afraid of my current worth being emphasized if I get through losing weight to my goal in the future - as in, I'll see that the current me was truly worthless vs the me who would be 120lbs. I feel like I'll be abandoning the current me who just wants to be loved and treated decently regardless of how I appear.
So how did you mentally prepare for the things that happened throughout your weight loss journey and/or after? What happened? Did you see it coming? How did you deal with it?
TL;DR: I'm a 5'0" 140 lbs 24F with a goal weight of 120 lbs. I know I have to and want to lose weight but I'm afraid of the seemingly inevitable consequences to come after - more sexualization, seeing how much my 140 lbs self is worth vs my could-be 120 lbs self, experiencing different treatment, etc. How would I mentally prepare for this? (More questions in above last paragraph).
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