Hi guys, this is my first time here and I have been on sort of a fitness journey since March of this year. I had gained about 20 kgs since the past couple of years reaching an unhealthy 116 kgs from my slightly less unhealthy 96 kgs earlier. I had this really bad habit of ordering and eating huge meals during the night which probably led me to this. It was a tough time as I was not enjoying anything, neither in my work nor my home (I used to live alone.) Which had let me to maybe eat my feelings.
I came to my hometown due to COVID and since then have been on a weight loss journey with the help of a dietician. At my peak, I had lost 15 kgs but then I strayed off and did not contact my dietician for a couple of weeks. Since then I have gained 7 kgs of the original 15 lost and I am really struggling here. I gained this back because I had started my habit of ordering again during the late night and it fills me with self-loathing. It makes me feel animal like who can’t control even the most basic of instincts. I wish it would have been easier but it isn’t and that sucks! I hate looking at myself and just hate everything about myself at this point. I have also started to do some physical exercises but keep spoiling it with late binges. It also undermines my family’s effort which they are putting up with respect to my diet and they also feel frustrated at me.
I hope I become a better person at controlling these needs and try and be consistent because I’m really struggling with it. I am strong but I understand I have to be stronger because I really really really really do not want to remain fat. I hate it!!
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