My doctor nearly diagnosed me with a 2nd ED

Potential trigger warning

Years ago, I was officially diagnosed with Binge Eating Disorder. I wasn't really surprised, but it did give me a little kick in the pants and I was able to finally have some success with weight loss. My first week, I lost 8 lbs and I was hooked. By the end of the second month, I had lost ~20 lbs. By the end of the third month, I was obsessed with CICO, eating less than 900 calories a day, and meals consisted of things like half a turkey and cheese sandwich, or a half cup of progresso soup. I refused to eat things I didn't know the nutritional value of, and I was weighing myself every morning and night, and after every poop. At the time, I was 22 and unemployed, so if I wasn't eating, I was asleep. I literally did nothing but eat and sleep. My mom started hiding the bathroom scale. By the end of the 4th month, I crashed. I had lost ~40 lbs and went from ~220 to ~180.

My doctor praised my weight loss, and I never told her how I did it beyond that I ate 5 small meals a day rather than my usual 1 large. Recently, I told her because after gaining it all back, I feel mentally ready to give it another real shot. But I'm afraid of becoming obsessed and unhealthy, and the drain on my mental health is just not worth it. She told me that it sounded like another eating disorder (I looked it up and I think she was referring to Orthorexia), but decided to officially diagnose me with OCD instead (I have a few other behaviors that definitely fit the diagnosis).

This near diagnosis has definitely shaken me and I'm still really afraid to give weight loss another serious try. I've been loosely following CICO since the end of June, and I've lost ~20 lbs (237 - 217.8). I'm glad that I've been able to not be obsessed with counting, but I'm also incredibly frustrated by the slow progress because I'm still mentally chasing that initial weight loss high. I'm going to keep trying to find the right balance for me, I'm just kind of anxious and cautious about getting obsessed and unhealthy again.

Thanks for reading my venty thing.

Edit: idk if it matters to anyone but if you're curious, I'm female, 28, 5 ft. with a fairly sedentary lifestyle due to chronic pain.

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