Hi all
I hope you are well. I'm writing this post feeling somewhat sad and down. I know there are worse things going on in the world than weight gain, but god.
I have come to the realization that living a happy life makes me put on weight. I am F, 159cm and now weigh 57.5 kg. At the start of the year I weighed 54.5 kg. 52kg is my "happy" weight. I thought it wouldn't be too much of an issue to get on it. But then COVID hit, I was finishing my PhD (awarded in August!), dealing with a shitty job situation until the end of the year, bleh. I put weight loss to the side. Then I was eating to celebrate, eating to deal with stress... my partner said to me to not worry about the food/weight until the end of the year.
But now I really feel it. I dared to step on the scale today and there it was. I feel disgusting, ugly and just awful. None of my clothes fit will. I get worried about the judgment of putting on weight during COVID. My partner reassures me I'm not fat -- I don't care about being fat, I care about feeling comfortable. I feel yuck. And there are no fast fixes for this... I feel exhausted, tired and wish I just didn't have to make any decisions around food. 1200 per day is hard, and that's the only calorie budget I can have to lose weight - my TDEE is 1,521. So yay for that.
I was enjoying sharing nice meals with my partner. I was enjoying looking forward to food. Now I just feel dread. If I am eating satisfying meals, I am not losing weight. I also don't know how to do things like this in moderation. Last time I got down to 51 kg and felt like shit because I had a vitamin deficiency from my diet.
FML. I just don't know what to do. It seems impossible. I just want to water fast and be done with it.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/2IIGsk7
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