Saturday, November 21, 2020

Non Scale Victory: Learning how to love cooking again

Hello loseit fam! I’ve been on this weight loss journey for about 7 months now. Before starting, most of my food intake consisted of take out. I would get a Dunkin Donuts muffin or wake up wrap for breakfast, go to the Whole Foods hot food bar for lunch (to fool myself into thinking I was “healthy”), and east copious amounts of junk food for dinner (grilled cheese, pizza, fries, etc.) washed down with plenty of cheap wine. As I am writing this I feel a certain nostalgia for that life. Why? Because it allowed me to numb, to not feel anything. A part of me misses not feeling anything.

I’ve been counting calories and exercising for 7 months, and in that time I would still break and order takeout 1-2 times a week. Lately I have been trying to cook foods I really like to hopefully break my takeout habit for good. Cooking these last few months has felt like a chore, like I’m depriving myself of the carby sugary goodness that had been the only thing that brought me happiness for many years.

This week I planned to make baked ziti with Italian sausage, turkey chili, honey pumpkin cornbread muffins, and breakfast burritos. Last week I made turkey chili stuffed sweet potatoes and chicken yakisoba. The week before that I made Thai coconut chicken and rice and Puerto Rican arroz con pollo. Last night as I was cooking I realized how much enjoyment I was finding in it. Not just the eating, but the cooking. It was relaxing and allowed me to forget my stressful week and the problems constantly ruminating in my head. I felt proud that I created something so good from scratch. The food was the shit, it was so good.

I’m starting to feel excited about cooking, even feeling like it’s a new hobby. I’ve been investing in better kitchenware (once upon a time I only had one pot and a couple of forks/knives). I like looking at recipe blogs to find new ideas. It is much easier to stay under my calorie limit, and it no longer feels like a struggle. I couldn’t believe how full I felt yesterday after eating and it was a good full feeling, not the sick feeling I got from takeout. I think the energy that comes from a home cooked meal is so much different than something you buy frozen or from a restaurant. It’s the same as when you get a home cooked meal from someone, and you feel the love they put into it. The same can be said for a homecooked meal you make for yourself. It’s an act of love towards yourself, that brings pride, good health, fun even. It’s been a pretty great discovery. Also, knowing that I can make literally anything. The sky is the limit.

And throughout all this I continue to lose weight, but it’s not a punishment or struggle anymore. It feels strange because we all have been indoctrinated into thinking that weight loss is very hard, you have to deprive yourself and exercise constantly, you have to cut out food groups or do hypnosis or some crazy shit. It’s hard to unlearn that lie. I felt certain that I gained weight after my tasty food yesterday (I even had a couple glasses of wine with my ziti), but I didn’t. It’s such a weird feeling that I’m still getting used to. It feels like cheating or something. But I know that I will keep the weight off, because I don’t have to deprive myself of anything.

Anyways, thanks for coming to my Ted Talk and best of luck on your journey.

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