[Rant] I was a very fat kid and I feel like I've been losing weight my whole life, I'm so sick of it and the constant battle. I've lost a lot of weight but I can't seem to lose any more.

I guess this is more of a rant, but I'm just so tired of this weight loss battle. I feel like the more I try to lose, the weaker I feel.

I am currently 5'4 and 165 lbs. No matter what I do I can't seem to move this weight. I've been stuck at this weight for nearly 3 years.

Granted I've lost a LOT of weight. I was very overweight by the time I was 5 and that only went up. I've never done crash diets or yo yo dieting. I think I was around 230 in middle school and I've slowly lost from that point on. That means for half of my life I have been focused on losing weight. I've studied other cultures food/eating style, habits, portion sizes, methods, etc. I feel like my body won't budge at this point. People said I might be underreporting what I ate so:

>I had friends and my fiancé monitor my food. They all were actually said I should eat more but I can't eat more. I eat about 1,200-1,400 depending on the time of month. Some days I eat less than 1000 but just because I'm not hungry.

>I tried having my fiancé dish out my food based on what he thought I should be eating (he's very healthy and knowledgeable) but I ended up gaining weight with his portions.

>I bought a portion controller plate from Japan where the portion sizes are even smaller than the US and I ended up gaining weight. My portions were smaller than the portion sizer!

>I have given up wheat for the most part. If my fiancé is eating something with wheat, he lets me know if its worth having a small bite. I will have the tiniest bite possible just to taste and he sees me so he knows I'm not cheating.

>I cook about 95% of my food.

>Grocery store food not good enough? I started a microfarm and not only expend calories gardening and harvesting, but I not grow 15-20% of my food.

>I am currently in Korea, aka I was locked up in Korean Quarantine for 15 days with ZERO access to snacks or anything I could cheat with. I was severed 3 healthy meals a day. I had about 2-3 tablespoons/day of rice to eat with my kimchi and threw away the rest of the rice. Everything else was vegetable or fruit. I also walked back in forth in my room to get 10k steps/day and 2x I walked 10 miles (hike in my room). I also did a few Pilates classes. No weight loss.

>I've been out of quarantine for 4 days and I eat like a toddler. I'm just not eating much I'm so frustrated that I've lost my appetite. I don't even buy my own meals. My fiancé gives me a tiny bit of rice from his meal (again 2-3 tablespoons), I eat that with veggies and and egg. I also have coffee, pure dark and again walk 10k steps/day minimum.

>I can't do much exercise at this time, specifically cardio. I have always had fatigue issues that got a lot worse after being sick in February so I'm still recovering from it. I can do a little bit of weight lifting/pilates on days I feel better. I am trying my best to build muscle and slowly regain my stamina.

>I always try to increase my NEAT. This means standing instead of sitting, pacing while on the phone, etc.

At this point, I don't even want to lose a large amount of weight. I used to want to be 135lbs, now I just want to be 159lbs so at least I'm in the 50s. That's only 6lbs, I can't seem to get there.

I'm sorry for this rant, I'm so tired of seeing all my skinny friends eat so much all the time and never gain any weight whereas I'm constantly watching what I eat for half my life and going to bed with my stomach rumbling.

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Edit: Apparently my thyroid is fine. That has been suggested before.

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