First time poster here, 22F. All my life my weight has fluctuated a lot, I have gone from 55kg to 70 many times, a few times I got to lose it basically because of ED and one time with a mix of weed and depression that made me completely lose my appetite I only ate pizza or whatever fast food was available every two or three days, I would almost faint every time I stand and the thought of eating gave me nausea, it was really bad, I lost 20 kg in about 3/4 months.
My biggest gain was after that. When I started going to therapy and quit weed I regained my appetite but the problem was that I was too used to eating only garbage, so with a history of binge eating I began doing that every day, I would maybe have two whole pizzas and a quesadilla just for lunch, I was out of control for over a year and I gained 40kg, hitting 90kg. I felt super bad with my body and none of my clothes even the bigger ones (because I've never liked to show my body and I've always felt bad about my weight even when I was skinny I always wear clothes that are too big for me). But I didn't do nothing about it for another year.
I began taking medication for my mental illness in summer 2019 and the binge eating got a little bit better, I ate healthy most of the time but had big binging episodes about twice a week, and last August I reached the 100kg mark. That made my ED go out of control.
I would starve myself for days on propuse and then end up binging when I would eat, it was a horrible cycle, where if I lost a kg my day would be wonderful but if I gained even 100g my day would be completely ruined. I lost 6kg with that behavior in a month, but with help from my closest friends and my therapist luckily I got out of that. But obviously I gained those 6kg really fast. Fast forward to December.
My sister got into healthy eating again (she went through a major weight loss journey a few years ago and has been maintaining but now she is working on gaining muscle) and suddenly there was no junk food in the house. But I would go to the grocery store just to buy some for me to eat that day. I continued doing that until January.
First week of January I didn't have any goals set for the year, I knew I wanted to lose weight but from my experience I felt like it was impossible for me to do it in a healthy weight, but I visited my boyfriend who lives across the country for one week.
For context he is a really skinny guy, like 50kg all his life without even trying (we're both short so that's a healthy weight for him) and he doesn't even try, he just eats slow, not too big portions, and has a good valence with veggies and "worse" foods.
That week because he was paying for me I had to stick to his diet, and omg I felt great!! It wasn't hard at all as I had an external force that made me not able to eat as I usually do. So when I came back home I was determined to stick to it, and now it's been almost three weeks and I'm doing great!! I set a rule with my therapist that I would only weight myself once a month, and I did it a few days ago and even though it's a small goal, I managed to beat the 100kg mark and I was at 99kg :)
The difference is that right now I'm not focused on being skinny, I'm focused on eating healthy, thanks to what my boyfriend did, and seeing where will that get me.
I finally feel like I can do it in a healthy way, slow but steady. I've never feel like this before. Right now my long term goal is to hit 70kg, that's above my healthy weight range, but it's a weight that I'm comfortable with, as I've always been a curvy girl and I like that, but right now I'm focused on getting to 90kg however long that takes.
Just wanted to share my journey and encourage people that have struggled with their weight just like me to keep trying because the time will come :) Thank you so much for reading my post, and I hope you have a wonderful day, and if you are in a weight loss journey, remember that you can do it!!
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