Wednesday, March 31, 2021

I’m still disappointed with how I look on photos

I’m now 75kg, down from 89kg. I’ve not actually lost anything since November last year, I feel disappointed with myself for that as I couldn’t do my main form of exercise (skating) because of Covid and winter weather, with my lack of exercise I should’ve gone back down to 1200 calories but I didn’t.

I feel like I’ve lost a lot, especially when I see pictures of myself that I took for progress pics, I’m kind of shocked I was that big.

But today there was a picture taken of me, and my heart just sank, I still looked like shit, I thought maybe I would finally look okay, not great but at least okay, but I still look the same. I feel like the only way I’ll ever look remotely good is to be a size 8, and right now I’m a 12.

I’m still on my weight loss journey, but I just thought I’d look a little better right now on candid pictures.

I just wanted to rant because now I want to avoid pictures so bad, and I feel embarrassed about how I look and worried what other people must think of me when they see me. It’s times like these where I just want liposuction on my legs because it’s exhausting, it’s the place I hold most of my weight and I get so sick of it.

Then I start wondering if I look like this now then holy shit I must have looked even worse before, and how embarrassing.

I know the mature solution is to just keep going, up my exercise and lower my calorie intake, but I just wanted to rant because I’m mad at myself more than anything. Lol.

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