Hi Reddit,
I'm a 6'3" 23 year old guy. My highest weight was 314 pounds (around ~2 years ago) I started my weight loss journey at 292 pounds in November of 2020 and I'm happy to say that I'm down to 218 pounds as of today. I'm almost 100lbs down from my highest and 74lbs down in 6 months!
I'm so much happier when I look in the mirror. I don't worry every day about what clothes will fit and what I can wear without my man boobs ruining the outfit. I shop for clothes that look good on me, not just clothes that are big enough to hide my fat. I'm not at my goal yet but I already feel so much better.
But here's the thing; I don't feel that much more confident outwardly. I always figured shedding the pounds would shed this internal doubt/disdain towards myself, but it really hasn't. In college, at my heaviest, I desperately craved affection and would throw myself at anyone who made it clear they were in to me - if I was sexually attracted to them did NOT matter (and 9/10 times, I was not.) This made sex and anything sexual not fun at all for me. When I did get frisky with people, I was also too self conscious to take off my shirt or just generally be naked in front of anyone because I absolutely hated my body. There were times I was afraid I would be unable to ~actually do the thing with a girl ~ because I thought that my stomach would block me from penetrating. I know this is probably hilarious but these are fears that almost 100 lost pounds later are still very presently with me.
Additionally, my friends, who are the best people ever, also happen to be obnoxiously hot. I've always put myself in the category of "fat ugly but very funny" friend despite them constantly hyping me up. It's hard for me to even try to equate myself to someone who can be sexually attractive (or desirable in any way) to another person. I'm afraid that if I approach someone they will be insulted that I had the gall to actually try with them.
How can I work on becoming more confident? I know I probably need to go to therapy but beyond that, are there any tips & tricks to loving yourself and not caring what other people think? I just want to know if I'm alone here. Has anyone who's lost a large amount of weight felt this way? Are there ways to get past this sexual dysfunction? I want to share myself with someone but I feel extremely unworthy.
TL;DR: I've lost almost 100lbs and look way different. At my heaviest I would sleep with anyone who gave me attention even if I wasn't sexually attracted to them. I feel like I ruined sex for myself and it's hard for me to imagine myself as someone who can be attractive/who is worthy of love. How can I become more confident?
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