First post here, g'day everyone!
F/ 37. Married with 4 kids. I have struggled throughout my whole life with huge weight losses and gains.
Here is my story.
I started getting big at about 14 years old and started dieting.
I got my first boyfriend at 18 and lost weight as I was so in love and wanting to look good for him. I felt and looked good. This is probably the one time in my life where I had a good relationship with food and was naturally slim, about 68kgs. I didn't think about food much at this time, ate 3 meals a day and went ro the gym every day. I started study and full time work and gained weight in the next few years, up to 85 kgs. I lost 16 kgs before my wedding at age 22. Had my first child that same year and ballooned back up to 95kgs.
Second child arrived not long after and I hovered in the same weight range 84 ish kgs. Decided when she was 3 years old to lose the baby weight and lost about 14 kgs. Fell pregnant with 3rd child and gained it back. Had 4th child quickly after and never lost the weight.
I was sitting at 100 kgs when my youngest was 2 years old before I embarked on weight loss again in 2016. I lost 32 kgs in the span of 8 months, at first eating low carb, but my eating became very disordered. I became very dizzy and was only eating about 700 calories towards the end. My hair started falling out and I looked pale. I received many compliments on my weight loss which made me happy- losing weight made me quite attractive too, and I liked the attention from men for some reason. It was a destructive cycle and it led to binge eating- my body was crying out for food.
I binge ate my way up to 85kgs and in 2018 I decided to try again. I again lost 16kgs through undereating and lots of exercise. It didn't take me long to gain it all back, and here I am in 2021- 100kgs and depressed as hell.
It has really hurt my self esteem to have lost and gained weight like this my whole life, I am ashamed. Not to mention I am very worried about my health and what this yo-yo-ing has done to my body. I have had multiple attempts to start my weight loss journey again this time round- but I just can't seem to get my head straight and do it.
I have not figured out a good way to eat properly for weight loss and long term maintenance and I have years of dieting noise in my head that I can't get rid of. I have been derailed on recent attempts because I soon become obessesed with numbers on the scale, comparing it to other times I've lost weight and thinking the loss is too slow etc. I think the real issue here is that I have developed a distrust in myself and the process after so many 'failures' over the span of 20 years. I am scared to put it the hard work because I know it involves so much deprivation while everyone around me eats and eats.
My husband and children have good eating habits. I find cooking challenging because I feel like I cannot eat the same meals as them, for fear I won't lose weight eating spag bol for example- how crazy is that?
This is the last time I want to go through getting this weight off. It has to be for good this time, for my mental sake more than anything. I need to do it right this time, and that puts pressure on me- but I just don't know what the best way is.
Thank you so much for reading- I know it is long and my writing is not the best. I just want to get off this crazy merry-go round once and for all and be the best I can be.
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from loseit - Lose the Fat https://ift.tt/3hlKmOM
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